Typically Me

When I was about fourteen years old, I already knew what I want my life to be when I finally become independent. I knew exactly what line of study I was going to take and what job I was going to apply for. I had zero doubt that I'd be successful one day.

Today, I have already graduated from college, passed the Certified Public Accountant Licensure Exam and working in one of the best, if not THE best auditing firm in the country. I know that it's only a matter of time that I will earn more than my keep and become financially stable. A few more years and I will be fully satisfied with my career and my life.

It's great if I try to look at it that way, but in reality, it isn't as simple as it sounds.

I woke up this morning feeling so lost and confused. I thought that where I am now is where I really want to be, but I'm not that sure anymore. I have this fear that thirty years from now I'll look back at my life and find out that I went after what I THOUGHT I desired most and end up not really satisfied with everything I've accomplished. I don't want to go after what seems to be right just because it gives you security and a hefty paycheck. I want to pursue something that I really want without fear of regret. Don't get me wrong. I am not successful yet. I don't even earn much. But I know that if I just follow the path leading toward that direction, it is more than possible. The question is, is it what I want?

I am in a state of so much confusion right now. If I can just radically decide on leaving everything behind and look for that one thing that I have always wanted to do(but didn't know I did), I surely will. But life isn't like that. I have to calculate risks and strategize just like every sane person would do. For now, I just need to sit still, keep quiet and stop thinking. Maybe it'll just come to me.