I have been struggling with my doubts, fears and anxieties for the past few months. I could say that for a long time, I have allowed myself to be carried away by the heavy outpouring of lies and deceit that the enemy has planned on using against me to shake my faith, which I believe was built on firm foundation. I gave him a stronghold- a way to defeat me, and for the past months or so, I was definitely losing the battle which was already won for me by Christ in Calvary. I was led astray by false accusations made by the enemy. I was made to think that I am not worthy to come before God because sin has gotten in between us. I fell right into the trap. I ran away from God because I became a victim of Satan as he used his very powerful device- a magnifying glass! (I am not joking.) He used it to make my problems look bigger, and thus, he got my undivided attention. I wasn't looking at how big my Father is anymore, but on how overwhelming my circumstances were. I wasn't focused on His forgiving and loving nature anymore, but on how big my sin is, how unforgivable, how shameful. The magnifying glass has done its miracle.
Broken, that is what I was. With the realization of my brokenness, it became easy enough to acknowledge my need for the only One who could make me whole again. As I inch a bit closer to Him, I realized that nothing could ever separate me from His love because there is no degree of sin that His love cannot forgive. As I took a step towards Him, I knew I could never be the same without Him. And finally, as I held out my hand to Him, I acknowledged that He is all I want or will ever need.
Yesterday was Sunday, and for the first time in months, I went to church.
2 comments:
i also went to church last sunday for the first time in several months. i'm so glad i did. :)
just bloghopped in here by the way. take care!
In those quiet moments, listen with your innermost mind. He resides there, never leaving us, awaiting our return.
I have spent a great deal of time angry with God and told Him so, in that inner place which may very well be the source of our soul. I turned my back on Him on countless occasions, in pain, fearful, and broken. I even threw one of my favorite poems etched on glass into the trash, Footprints in the Sand, because I didn't believe any longer that He had carried me for one moment.
When my mind again found peace for just a heartbeat, I found Him waiting, with a reminder that it doesn't matter whether I believe in Him, because He believes in me.
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