tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173567752011-07-08T05:05:09.519+08:00My own little corner for my daily thoughts.maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.comBlogger461100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-62422663459215678482009-10-20T22:37:00.000+08:002009-10-20T22:42:51.270+08:00On the night of his death, I didn’t feel the pain and sorrow of loss. I cried because I was sad, but I didn’t cry because I grieved. Six years into the future, I never thought that only now will I mourn his passing. Dark and troubled misery for what was eternally lost tortures more than any physical pain conceivable. Thoughts of what could have been create a sinister emotion that adds to the anguish which is never completely eased. I thought that the day of his passing was the juncture in my life that I could never live through, but here I am, fully convinced that the worst has yet to come. I have known the joy that life can bring, but as real as happiness, love and peace are to this world, sorrow, pain and desolation lurk just as constantly. Everyday poses a threat. Every ticking of a clock is a warning. No one knows the time and the place so no one is prepared enough. Five years of illness still didn’t prepare me when death finally struck. Everyday I tried to be ready, but when it finally came, it still caught me unprepared. Death, I tell you, is a certainty. I don’t want to live in fear of it, but I will live with the thought of its near coming. I embrace the melancholy it goes along with because it will push me to love more, laugh more and give more. I lost the chance to say one more “I love you,” lost the privilege of giving one more hug, lost the opportunity to give back for what he’s done for me, but I will never lose that chance, that privilege, that opportunity again. If I lost them with him, I vow never to lose them with the others.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-6242266345921567848?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-76217527974836434752009-07-02T19:27:00.001+08:002009-07-02T20:02:18.825+08:00This song by Edwin McCain has been in my playlist for several days now and I listen to it on and on. I don't know what's with this song and its lyrics that makes me feel sentimental every time I listen to it. The lyrics somehow speaks about women who are strong and weak at the same time. It gives me a picture of a woman who has courage and strength to face life's battles but doesn't lose her grace, fragility and enormous capacity to love. It tells of a woman who is not afraid to admit her need to be taken cared of even when she knows she can make it alone. <br /><br />There are Kelly's and Beth's among the women I know today who, in their quiet strength, are longing and crying out for someone to "write them a song." <br /><br />Write Me A Song<br />Edwin McCain Band<br /><br />Kelly is raising her son<br />His dad left just after the birth<br />Now she's living on child support checks<br />I guess that's all that man was worth<br /><br />She said I just need a man who will love me<br />But they all just want one night of sin<br />I know our life could be better<br />I just don't know where I should begin<br /><br />She said write me a song<br />One that makes all the girls cry<br />And the old women swoon <br />At the sound of my tune<br />And the hearts of the lonely will fly<br />Yeah, they'll fly<br /><br />Beth, she sings straight from the heart<br />She's hidden her tracks very well<br />But these days she's falling apart<br />And it makes me feel just like hell<br /><br />She says, boy, you can't imagine my life<br />The death and the drugs and the pain<br />And though I keep running<br />I just can't seem to break from these chains<br /><br />She said write me a song<br />Fill it all up with the words<br />Like brilliant and heavenly<br />Make it sound just like me<br />Just like the first time I love you was heard<br /><br />And now write me a song<br />One that makes all the girls cry<br />And the old women swoon <br />At the sound of my tune<br />And the hearts of the lonely will fly<br /><br />We're all feeding our lonely<br />Like it might go away<br />The doors of heaven swing wide<br />If we just find the right words to say<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-7621752797483643475?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-80148939608325973462009-07-02T00:07:00.002+08:002009-07-02T01:07:44.148+08:00I was tagged to answer this on facebook. I didn't want to so I'm posting this one here.<br /><br />1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?<br />- i went on a joy ride with my big brother on his motorbike...my leg hit the "exhaust" ( i dunno what you call it)<br /><br />2. WHATS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?<br />- one big calendar...nothing else. I already packed...<br /><br />3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?<br />- the other one is black and looks efficient (for work).. the other one's green and a bit sporty (for other purposes)<br /><br />4 WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?<br />- varied :) <br /><br />5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?<br />- afternoon i guess..not sure though<br /><br />6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?<br />- money! kidding! a boyfriend! haha..kidding again.. money and boyfriend! <br />nah, just to go home!<br /><br />7. WHO DO YOU MISS?<br />- my mom and my family and this other person i'm not supposed to miss! <br /><br />8. WHAT is/are YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION/S?<br />- my family :)<br /><br />9. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?<br />- aquarius<br /><br />10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?<br />- depends<br /><br />11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?<br />- if i let my imagination go wild. <br /><br />12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?<br />- i can't remember the last time i cried! haha..<br /><br />13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?<br />- lite blue by dolce and gabbana<br /><br />14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?<br />- hair- black, eyes- dark brown (any other color would make him a foreigner)<br /><br />15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO?<br />- i've never thought of it before but now that the question came up, i think it would be in the kids' church while i'm so busy and tired! i want it to be the biggest surprise of my life! <br /><br />16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?<br />--> coffee<br /><br />17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?<br />- cheese!<br /><br />18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?<br />- ice cream!!<br /><br />19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?<br />- my mom... well, i always make her mad or she just gets mad all the time..hehe<br /><br />21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?<br />- the first gift i remember that i really liked was my very first barbie doll which started my collection :)<br /><br />22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?<br />- yeah, unfortunately...:(<br /><br />23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?<br />- huh??<br /><br />24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?<br />- don't have a favorite<br /><br />25. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?<br />- not exactly a dream car.. a car i like..Volkswagen Beetle... the latest model<br /><br />26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?<br />- no :( i'm dying to get a puppy! i love dogs!<br /><br />27. WHAT KIND IS IT?<br />- it would have to be a dog if i do get one<br /><br />28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?<br />- that's hard but why not? i dunno if long distance relationships work but who can stop love? haha! emo!<br /><br />29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?<br />- just say it in a no-nonsense kinda way<br /><br />30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:<br />- seven<br /><br />31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?<br />- brunnette!<br /><br />32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?<br />- MJ's number...many times a day<br /><br />33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?<br />- cab drivers who take advantage of my very poor sense of direction<br /><br />35. YOUR WEAKNESS?<br />- my emotions<br /><br />37. FIRST JOB?<br />- auditor in SGV & Co. Ernst & Young<br /><br />38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?<br />- haha...yeah<br /><br />40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?<br />- my nose! <br /><br />41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?<br />- i dunno...<br /><br />42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?<br />- being very friendly :) <br /><br />43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?<br />- nothing...coz i don't drink<br /><br />44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?<br />- my very first kiss! haha! joke! nothing fancy...a video greeting from my nieces and nephews would be sweet. <br /><br />45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?<br />- 2 to 3..no, 2 would be enough...i want to give each one the attention that they need. one for each parent. :)<br /><br />46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?<br />- my 2 grandmothers..marietta and andrea.. hence, marriette andrey<br /><br />47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?<br />- yeah...still do... hehe<br /><br />48. WHAT DID YOU DO THIS MORNING?<br />- worked!<br /><br />49. WHAT DID YOU LAST EAT?<br />- tuna sandwich! i didn't like it.<br /><br />50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?<br />- NO! i always hated it.<br /><br />51. WHAT COUNTRY DO YOU LIVE IN?<br />- Philippines<br /><br />52. ANY BAD HABITS?<br />- i procrastinate and i spend a lot<br /><br />53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MUSIC?<br />- hmm...dunno..backstreet boys?? get down?? haha!<br /><br />54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU<br />- yeah of course! <br /><br />55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?<br />- haha yeah!<br /><br />56. DO LOOKS MATTER?<br />- it depends...but generally, no looks don't matter<br /><br />57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?<br />- i throw things<br /><br />58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?<br />- my dorm :(<br /><br />59. EVER BEEN DRUNK?<br />- nope...<br /><br />60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?<br />- barbie <br /><br />61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE<br />- a lot!<br /><br />62.IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW WHERE WOULD YOU BE?<br />- right with my family in Bacolod <br /><br />63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?<br />- yeah i do.<br /><br />64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?<br />- haha nope<br /><br />65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?<br />- someone who can make me laugh and who i can talk to without getting bored...<br /><br />66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?<br />- mayet, mating, yeti, mayt<br /><br />70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?<br />- chocolate<br /><br />72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLOR(S)?<br />- green and black<br /><br />73. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?<br />- my family <br /><br />74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?<br />- i dunno...<br /><br />75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?<br />- hmmm..i dunno<br /><br />76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?<br />- an Edwin McCain song<br /><br />77. LAST THING YOU DRANK<br />- fit n' right<br /><br />78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?<br />- ate han :)<br /><br />79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?<br />- HEIGHT! <br /><br />80. THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG?<br />- Realize by Colbie Caillat and Write me a song by Edwin McCain<br /><br />81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?<br />- i hate that i love you?? haha! i dunno..<br /><br />82. FAVORITE ALCHOHOLIC DRINK(S)<br />- none<br /><br />83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN?<br />- don't have a favorite...<br /><br />84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?<br />- basketball and swimming<br /><br />85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?<br />- black<br /><br />86. EYE COLOR?<br />- dark brown<br /><br />87. HEIGHT?<br />- 5'6"<br /><br />88. FAVORITE ANIMAL?<br />--> dog<br /><br />89. FAVORITE MONTH(s)?<br />- February (coz it's my birth month) and December (because of Christmas)<br /><br />90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?<br />- yezz<br /><br />91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?<br />- like a movie?? Transformers...but if you mean literally, the time..<br /><br />92. FAVORITE DAY(s) OF THE YEAR?<br />- december 25 :)<br /><br />94. SUMMER OR WINTER?<br />- i've never experienced winter so i'd say summer<br /><br />95. KISSES OR HUG?<br />both?<br /><br />96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?<br />- uhmmm...haha! relationships of course!<br /><br />97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?<br />- dinner <br /><br />98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?<br />- i dunno...<br /><br />99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?<br />- captivating by John and Staci Eldredge<br /><br />100. DO YOU LOVE ANYBODY?<br />- yes i do.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-8014893960832597346?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-4002969265579293182009-06-30T13:05:00.000+08:002009-06-30T13:57:08.135+08:00In my entire life, I have never been as self-centered as I have been these past few weeks. Lately I thought of nothing else but how big, fat and single I am. Last weekend, I spent the entire Saturday alone in the mall. I went window shopping, had ice cream and bought a book. I spent most of the afternoon in the bookstore browsing through a lot of inspirational books. I was digging through all the must-reads in the "Religion" section looking for the best one that talks about women. I've been having issues with myself lately and I needed some encouragement- something that would assure me that there's nothing wrong with me. Then I suddenly thought to myself, I don't need a book to tell me that I'm worth something. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm unwanted and not good enough for any guy. The value I have as a woman is never based on the number of guys who drool over me or the admiration I get from others. I forgot the fact that a very long time ago, someone had already proven my worth. Unless and until I look at myself through the eyes of my Greatest Lover, I will never know my real value. <br /><br />I know that God, in His perfect wisdom, destined for me to be single (for now) because He wants me to see my value as a woman not based on the eyes of a man, but based on His undying love for me. One day, I know in my heart that I will meet him- my partner, my best friend, my love. But until then, I will remain cherished and romanced by the very Author of love. That gives me enough assurance that the big, fat and single me is worth a lot.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-400296926557929318?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-63261310174866630272009-06-10T20:08:00.006+08:002009-06-10T21:10:02.055+08:00In a few weeks time I will be transferred to the SGV branch office in Bacolod City. My request for transfer has been approved by my superiors this afternoon and I am just waiting for the date of its effectivity. Until now, I am not sure if this is what I really want so I listed down the pros and cons of this big move. Let me start with the bad things.<br /><br />Cons:<br />1. 3 busy seasons before promotion. <br /><br />Well, the normal length of time of stay in the company before one gets qualified for a promotion is 3 busy seasons. But here in Manila, a lot of associates get promoted after only 2 busy seasons. I asked my manager if it is also possible for the staff in the branches to be promoted as Senior Associate in the same length of time, and he said that it rarely happens since the work in the branches are a bit less complicated compared to that in the main office. I am not after the promotion since being an auditor has never really been a big dream of mine, but a promotion signals a big raise! Who wouldn't want that?? <br /><br />2. Less independence.<br /><br />I will be living in my sister's house for a couple of months just so I'll have time to save up for a house or an apartment for me and my mom. Even if my sister is very lenient, I would still need to respect the house rules that she and her husband set for their kids. I am currently living alone in the big city and I have somehow enjoyed my independence. Although I've had really tough times like paying too much for my laundry (it takes me forever to wash my clothes) and eating out all the time (I don't know how to cook), I always had fun. I spend the weekends alone but I don't really mind. I know I'll be a bit restricted when I go back to living with my family. I'll just wait and see.<br /><br />3. Leaving friends.<br /><br />I made a lot of friends here in Manila and I am very close to a lot of them. I have also grown to love the people I work with and have become very fond of some of my bosses. This is the hardest part. I know that a few days after I leave they'll miss me, but they will eventually get used to my absence and won't mind a bit about my not being around anymore. Yes, there's always the internet - friendster, facebook, etc., and text messaging to keep the communication lines open, but there's nothing like a personal chat with my friends. <br /><br />The 3 cons are already very depressing so I will stop adding to the list now. Let me move on to the pros.<br /><br />1. More savings.<br /><br />It is a fact that the cost of living in Manila is very high. Not only do I pay for my rent, I also pay for everything else- food, fare, laundry, etc. When I get back home, I won't have to pay for the laundry, won't have to take the cab every night and won't have to eat out all the time. I can give my contribution for the groceries and electricity but that won't be much considering the low cost of living in the province.<br /><br />2. Family time.<br /><br />I will be with my family. This is the best part. I will be there to see my nephews and nieces grow up and I can be a big part of their lives. This is something I will hate missing if I stay here in Manila. I'll be able to spend more time with my mom, too. <br /><br />3. Time for extra-curricular activities.<br /><br />I will have plenty of time to join certain organizations like Gawad Kalinga. Since time in Bacolod runs very slowly, I know I'll be able to juggle volunteer work with my office duties. Plus, I am very excited about starting out with T4T (Teach for Tomorrow). <br /><br />4. Kids Church once again.<br /><br />I can go back to teaching in the Kids Church - the one thing I miss a lot. Part of this is having time to spend with my churchmates and joining all our church activities. It's time to fan the flame once again. My passion gradually died because I didn't have enough quiet time in this busy city. <br /><br />So now the pros outweigh the cons. This was exactly what I needed in the first place. I can sleep soundly tonight.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-6326131017486663027?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-59261591374066596132009-05-24T12:37:00.004+08:002009-05-24T21:53:48.483+08:00When I was about fourteen years old, I already knew what I want my life to be when I finally become independent. I knew exactly what line of study I was going to take and what job I was going to apply for. I had zero doubt that I'd be successful one day.<br /><br />Today, I have already graduated from college, passed the Certified Public Accountant Licensure Exam and working in one of the best, if not THE best auditing firm in the country. I know that it's only a matter of time that I will earn more than my keep and become financially stable. A few more years and I will be fully satisfied with my career and my life. <br /><br />It's great if I try to look at it that way, but in reality, it isn't as simple as it sounds. <br /><br />I woke up this morning feeling so lost and confused. I thought that where I am now is where I really want to be, but I'm not that sure anymore. I have this fear that thirty years from now I'll look back at my life and find out that I went after what I THOUGHT I desired most and end up not really satisfied with everything I've accomplished. I don't want to go after what seems to be right just because it gives you security and a hefty paycheck. I want to pursue something that I really want without fear of regret. Don't get me wrong. I am not successful yet. I don't even earn much. But I know that if I just follow the path leading toward that direction, it is more than possible. The question is, is it what I want? <br /><br />I am in a state of so much confusion right now. If I can just radically decide on leaving everything behind and look for that one thing that I have always wanted to do(but didn't know I did), I surely will. But life isn't like that. I have to calculate risks and strategize just like every sane person would do. For now, I just need to sit still, keep quiet and stop thinking. Maybe it'll just come to me.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-5926159137406659613?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-67117039348764618562009-02-16T11:21:00.003+08:002009-02-16T13:08:28.431+08:00I wouldn't really call it a blogger's block when it took me almost three long years to post another entry on this once very updated blogsite. But finally I'm back and ready to drown myself again in this hobby that I used to be crazy about. I missed this. It's not just writing a blog or writing in general that makes everything about this enjoyable, it's the learning part that I value most. I have learned a lot from people whose blogs I've read. I might not agree with them most of the time but just reading and getting something from someone else's thoughts is a growing experience no matter how trivial it can be sometimes. <br /><br />Hmm...how do I start? Where do I begin? For now, I'll just re-connect with the people I've lost contact with and start from there. At least, I'm back! :)<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-6711703934876461856?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1144954322409872242006-04-14T02:44:00.000+08:002006-04-14T02:52:02.433+08:00This is the autobiography I submitted to my Psychology teacher last semester. This is for my brother to read. <br /><br />IN MEMORY OF MY FATHER<br /><br />Title: The Apple of His Eye<br /><br /><br />In the Beginning…<br /><br /> <br />“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”<br /><br />Psalm 139: 14<br /><br /> <br />I was brought up in a world full of love. After about ten years, and four grown up boys, my parents finally had another baby girl. I was everything they ever wanted, the apple of everyone’s eye, everybody’s little angel. Surrounded with love, I was secured with who I was and I knew fully well that I was made for something special. <br /> <br />It was the year 1987, a year before my father was elected into office when I finally came into this world. Despite the import of his position in the local government, my father never failed to lavish his little girl with all the love only a princess deserved. I can still remember all the Barbie dolls he so lovingly gave me as presents. Memories of his pride and joy of presenting me to his friends and political cronies are still fresh in my mind. My mother and my sister were my best friends. My sister and I were roommates. She was already in her junior year in high school when I came and she was like a mother to me as well. My world revolved around my family, as is always the case with little kids. Looking back, most of what I can remember from my childhood days was spent in that pink room, inside a Little Mermaid tent with all my Barbie dolls, playing all by myself. I was alone, yes, but I wasn’t lonely. Little did I know, it was always going to be that way for me…<br /><br /><br /><br />“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”<br /><br />Proverbs 22: 6<br /><br /> <br />The early years of my grade school life were marked by revelations and greater achievements for me. Before stepping into first grade, I was bashful and timid. I would rather sit in one corner all alone and eat by myself than play and talk with some of my classmates. I was a loner, but then there were two of my classmates who liked me a lot that they accompanied me wherever I went. They were identical twins and were my first close friends in my student life’s journey. By the time I finished kindergarten, I still didn’t have much friends. I wasn’t like most kids who loved to play in school. I just wanted to be with my papa and mama all the time. Grade school changed all that. It was during my elementary days when I found out about what I was capable of. Unexpectedly, I ranked first in my class. I didn’t even know I was intelligent enough to get in the top ten. Being shy was an advantage for me somehow- I learned to gain knowledge in silence. I was a quiet observer and my mind absorbed everything that I encountered. I was one of the fastest readers in the first grade, and my teachers commended me for being good with the English language at such a young age. Despite all the early accomplishments, I was concerned with a more important thing- God. My sister was a Sunday school teacher, and so was my mother. Because of their profound influence on me, I was already curious about God at such an early age. I am proud to say that I was brought up well. I didn’t know that the Christian values taught to me then would strengthen the foundation of the godly life I would begin to live in the future. <br /> <br /><br /><br />No Goodbyes Please, Daddy! <br /><br /><br />“Will you hold me in your arms as I rest in your knee? Won’t you tell me my favorite story? I was an orphan, you adopted me.”<br /><br />Stay– by Vineyard<br /><br /> <br />After living in the same house for nine years, it was hard to leave and get settled again in a new neighborhood. But the newly built house promised a brighter and happier future ahead so I, along with my family, took the step to a more beautiful life, or so we thought. At a 180-degree turn of events, my fairy tale life suddenly became an Academy award-winning drama of all time. <br /> <br />I woke up that strange and lonely night in my room, hearing familiar voices from outside. I was scared of the dark so I didn’t venture peeking on who were talking. I closed my eyes and tried hard to listen. The voices were inaudible but I knew that there were more than three people talking. After a few more minutes, the voices were suddenly hushed, as everyone seemed to go back to their respective rooms. I once again closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep when the door to my room opened and someone went in. I pretended to be asleep and neither moved nor responded when someone, whose scent I knew all too well, sat on the side of my bed and kissed me on the cheek. He breathed deeply and spent a few more seconds just sitting there beside me. I felt his eyes on me and I knew he was sad. He touched my hair and finally stood up. I couldn’t move, I was scared he’d find out I was trying to eavesdrop. Then at last, he left the room closing the door slowly behind him and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I never thought that the following day, I would learn that sometimes, fairy tales are simply what they are. <br /><br /><br /><br />Days of Elijah<br /><br /><br /> “When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with you above the storm. Father you are King over the flood. I will be still and know you are God.”<br /><br />Still- by Hillsong<br /><br /> <br /> I was nine years old when I first encountered the harshness of life. Pain is a reality; hardship is one of life’s facts. These were the things I realized when my life started to crumble right before my very eyes. My perfect world was not so perfect after all. My blanket of security was taken away from me and I was left alone, lost and groping in the dark. <br /> <br />When papa left, everything went wrong for us. The bank took away our cars, we began selling our furniture, and we had to live on what little money my mother had left. It was trying times. No, it was hard times. For the first time, I had to ride the jeepney to school. It wasn’t entirely the worst thing that happened to me, but it sure was a humbling experience. Faith kept us going, God’s love made us strong. <br /><br /><br /><br />Reality Bites<br /><br />“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”<br /><br />1 Corinthians 13: 11<br /><br /> <br />This was the verse I quoted in my farewell address during my graduation day in grade school. It was the end of the first chapter of my life and the beginning of a new, exciting and unpredictable one. My father and my mother met again that day. We celebrated my triumph together, and indeed, it was a day of closing one chapter to open another. We found out that my dad was sick. He lost a lot of weight that got everyone worried. It got him worried. One thing led to another, and as spontaneous as things always are in my life, my parents got back together. My father called my mother one day and told her to meet him in the States that summer. My mom, who was still so much in love with my dad, didn’t have to think about it twice. She will later find out that my father’s condition was worse. Prior his departure from the Philippines, he had a major operation wherein one of his kidneys was removed. He left for the States to seek medical attention. He was admitted to the hospital there for operation. The rest of the family stormed heaven for our dad’s complete recovery. <br /><br /> That Saturday morning, just a few minutes after I got up from bed, my mom called us informing us that dad underwent an open-close operation. The doctors saw that the cancer cells have spread all over his body and that if they went on with the operation, he just might die on the operating table right then and there. There was nothing more that they can do. The doctors gave up, but my mother wouldn’t. <br /><br /><br /><br />Standing and Believing<br /><br />“Have faith in God…I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him”<br /><br />Mark 11: 22, 23<br /><br /> <br />Because of my mama’s faith, God’s power was manifested. She brought my father back home to us. The whole family picked them up at the airport, and all of us couldn’t believe what we saw. I cried at the sight of my father’s thin and frail body, and I couldn’t look at him for long. I saw the pain in his eyes to see me crying like that, but I couldn’t have helped it. Weak as I was, I didn’t know if there was any hope left for us to hang on. <br /> <br />After months of praying for healing and deliverance, we began to see improvements in my dad’s physical condition. If he couldn’t stand up by himself before, he began trying and eventually succeeded. He started to eat and drink by himself, exercised, picked up the remote control and go to the bathroom -things that were impossible for him to do alone. They went to the doctor and found out that papa was now out of danger. The cancer cells vanished as if they were never there. What was left was a miniscule node in his left kidney- nothing to worry about. Indeed, God is alive. <br /><br /><br />Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone<br /><br /> “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”<br /><br />Jeremiah 29:11<br /><br /> <br />When my dad recovered from cancer, he wanted to start a new life again. He brought my mom and me to Manila and we lived there for the rest of my high school life. <br /> <br />High school wasn’t easy for me. I had to balance family, friends and school. In the middle of all that, I had to adjust to the new “culture” I was in. Manila was an entirely different world for me. I had to adjust with new people and new ways of living. It was hard at first. I cried all the time, and even when I was in school, I would sit in a corner at lunch and just weep because of what I was facing. I wanted to go back home! The first few months were hard for me. I just wanted to stay home with my mother and never go back to school where I considered the people mean and “mayabang.” Then I met Timmy. <br /> <br />Timmy was also a new student from San Pablo, Laguna. Being the “provincianas” that we were, we had a lot in common. I met other interesting people and I began forming friends, which my parents expected I would. I started to get out of my shell and my comfort zone and began having a social life. Slowly, I seemed to have forgotten about Bacolod. After a few more months, I was convinced I didn’t belong to Bacolod anymore. Manila was my new home, and I believed that I always belonged there. I enjoyed my life immensely. I was back to being daddy’s little girl and mama’s darling hija. My best friend Timmy was wonderful and so was her family. I had such great friends and I excelled in class. I couldn’t have asked for more! <br /> <br />Just when I thought everything was going great, disaster struck once again. I would rather not get into the details of it because it was a bit worse than the earlier problems I encountered. This time, it was more painful because I was now fully aware of what was going on with my life. <br /><br />Even Heroes Die<br /><br />“Wrap your strong arms around me, this is my peace. Father, stay close to me. Stay…oh, will you stay?”<br /><br />Stay- by Vineyard<br /><br /> <br />During my high school years, my father was involved with everything that was going on in my life. He went along with me and my friends to the mall, watched movies with my cousin and me, took me to the dressmaker for my prom dress, brought me to Enchanted Kingdom, Tagaytay, Baguio and other places he can think of, went shopping with me, took me out on dates at fancy restaurants, read with me, went swimming with me, cooked for me, washed and ironed my clothes… everything you can think of. My father was patient with me. He loved me. Me…me...me...all me! <br /> <br />It was during my junior year when his health started failing him again. He regularly went to the doctor, but things began to get serious until the day when he finally got worse. The memory of it all is much too painful for me to describe in detail. My world revolved around my father. I wanted to be just like him and there was nothing I wanted more than to please him and make him proud of me. I needed his approval more than anything else. My papa was my hero. <br /> <br />I saw everything. I saw him suffer the harshness of cancer. It ate him up and I was there to witness it all. It felt like holding on to a rope, but your hand is beginning to slide down. You try your best not to let go, but it’s impossible because your fingers are giving in. I was holding on to the hope that my dad would live to see me graduate from college and see the fruit of his labor. I held on to the hope that he would live to dance with me on my 18th birthday and that he would still be there to walk me to the aisle as I get married someday. I needed more time with him. I felt deprived. Sixteen years wasn’t enough. I wanted more of him; I wanted my papa beside me to tell me that everything was going to be alright, as he always did. But he wasn’t anymore. Instead, he was lying there, helpless and in pain with no one to help him. And all I can do was look on and hold his hand wishing that he would stay. But sixteen years in this world was enough time for me to learn that I can’t always get what I want. <br /> <br />Papa wasn’t able to kiss me goodbye this time around. He wasn’t able to look at me in my sleep or touch my hair. He simply closed his eyes, and left me for good. As I kissed his cheek with one final kiss, I knew I was never going to see him again. Only one question kept racing in my mind, “Papa, why didn’t you stay?” <br /><br /><br /><br />His Power Made Perfect in Weakness<br /><br /> “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”<br /><br />2Corinthians 12: 9, 10<br /><br /> <br />November 9, 2003 was the day I closed another chapter of my life and began turning the page of a new one. It was the day my dad finally met His Maker. It was the day that would change my life forever. <br /> <br />It was nearing graduation and all of us were busy with our college applications. I already passed the UPCAT and the DLSU-CET and was in one of the many crossroads in my life. I needed to decide on which school to enroll and what course to take. It was a choice between Computer Science in UP-Manila or Accountancy in De La Salle. My aunt in the States who promised to give me her full support already provided for my tuition money. All I had to do was to make a decision. I couldn’t take the pressure of having to decide and thinking about all the other concerns bugging me that time, so I decided I needed a break. I went home to Bacolod for a while to think about it. I already paid the reservation fee in La Salle because I was half sure that it was where I wanted to study. I have always talked with my dad about going to La Salle and taking up accountancy there. He liked the idea very much so I was always bent on pursuing that goal. <br /> <br />While in Bacolod, my family (who, by the way, lived here) tried hard to convince me not to go back to Manila anymore. They said that I could always get a good education anywhere as long as I’m dedicated and diligent enough. Every night, I cried because of how things were turning out. I never planned on going back home to stay here and study. I loved Manila. It was home. I cried on how unfair things were to me. I saw my hopes and dreams come tumbling down right before my eyes. I wanted to scream out of frustration. To make the long story short, I did stay. I took the CSAT, passed and enrolled. Pretty easy... <br /> <br />My freshman year was a blur. It was a year of growing up for me. As I’ve written on my blog (http://justmaryet.blogspot.com), 2004 was the year when I made so many mistakes and 2005 was when I learned from all of them. It was the point in my life that I had to rise up after falling so many times, mend what I thought was a broken heart, and heal my wounded soul.<br /> <br /> I thought about whether I should write about this or not, but since I want to cover everything about my life in this autobiography, I decided to go ahead and talk about it. <br /><br />Not Quite Forever <br /><br />“A broken spirit and a contrite heart, you will not despise. You will not despise…You desire truth, in the inward part. A broken spirit and a contrite heart…”<br /><br /> <br />It is an unspoken agreement in our house that I shouldn’t get into any relationship yet until I finish college or until my family has approved of it already. For the first time, I committed the worst kind of disobedience in my life. I broke my family’s trust. I went on having a boyfriend behind their backs for about two months before I finally told my mother about it. I knew they hated me for it. During that time, I really thought I was in love. I guess the profound influence that movies had on me was partially to be blamed by my twisted view of love- “fighting for it” when everyone was against it. I don’t know what went on inside my mind that time but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t thinking right. I was totally deceived by my emotions that I stopped using my brain. I couldn’t begin to explain how bad I feel about what I did. Months after my confession, I was still rebellious. I didn’t want to eat, isolated myself and acted sad and depressed most of the time. Drama… drama… drama! I felt like Juliet being locked up and banned from seeing her Romeo. I didn’t know I was making a total fool of myself. <br /> <br />After a few more months, I still believed that I was meant for this guy and he was meant for me. I didn’t give up on the idea that we might end up together. That is until the day I found out that he was already seeing someone else. I was crushed, or so I thought. Where’s the “forever” you promised me??? I was furious, hurt and humiliated that I wanted to stay in bed for the rest of my life. When I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer, I went to my mom and cried my heart out to her. Amidst all my tears and angry outburst, she tried so hard not to laugh at me. She couldn’t have tried harder! She and my sister couldn’t help laughing at my predicament because they were thinking of how silly it was! Thinking about it now, I know it was indeed very foolish and seemed like the typical plot of a teenage love story you’d see on TV. Again, drama…drama… drama! <br /><br /><br />An Escape from Reality<br /><br /> “How could I not be moved, Lord, here with you? So have your way in me. If there is just one thing that I would seek…this is my cry. My one desire is to be where you are Lord, now and forever.”<br /><br />One Desire- Hillsong<br /><br /> <br />My pride, more than my heart, was truly hurt when I found out that this guy was courting someone else. After feeling insulted and rejected, I looked for an escape route where I could hide from my problems. And I found one- Cyber World! I started to learn how to chat in the Internet on my own. I tried playing with my computer and finding out what I had in my laptop. I didn’t know I had Yahoo Messenger and Mirc installed in my pc. After figuring out how to use them, I started chatting. Since then, I became obsessed with talking to people online! I liked the fact that I can be whoever I wanted to be in cyberspace and no one would judge me. I liked the fact that I was in touch with people from different backgrounds in different parts of the world. It took all my time and attention. I have forgotten all about my problems when I was online, but unfortunately, I also seemed to have forgotten about God. I was consumed with this new addiction that nothing else mattered to me except for it! I didn’t know that God would use this situation to bring me closer to Him! This was only the beginning of the greater things He has prepared for me… of the greater things to come! <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />No Accidents<br /><br /> “Draw me close to you. Never let me go. I lay it all down again, to hear you say that I’m your friend. You are my desire, no one else will do. ‘Coz nothing else could take your place to fill the warmth of your embrace. Help me find a way, just bring me back to you.”<br /><br />Draw me close to you <br /><br /> I wrote this entry on my blog one night. This is how I met a friend online: <br /><br /><br />It’s been a while since I last posted an entry on this blog. A lot has happened since November 15, which caused drastic changes in me. I started chatting about 3-4 months ago, and as a newbie in MIRC and messenger (or to cyberspace in general), it has been my rule never to give personal details to any of the people I meet online. I’ve met a lot of people from my place who ask for personal information such as my cellphone number or my address and even ask to meet in real life, as is a usual thing nowadays. However, it has never tempted me to give out such or agree to meet in person with anyone. One night though, I met someone who, just like the others, asked for my number. He wasn’t much different from the people I usually meet on irc, but I don’t know what came over me that night that without much persuasion, I gave my cellphone and landline numbers to him. I discovered that we had many things in common.<br /><br />It was during that time when I was a bit spiritually off. He kept inviting me to go to church with him but I wasn’t ready for that yet. I hadn’t been to church for a long time that I deemed it useless to start going now. He was persistent. Every Saturday night, he would go online just to remind me that it was Sunday the next day and I should go to church. I always had an excuse or sometimes I’d agree to come but won’t show up. But then I felt guilty of what I kept on doing to him when all along he was just concerned about me. I knew that I disappointed him a lot of times so I decided to finally try going. That Sunday, I found out that one of my best friends in school also went to that Church. I also found out that my chatmate was a wonderful person. Going to Church that Sunday was exactly what I needed. I felt God speaking to me, and it was the time that I recommitted my life to Christ. <br /><br />Of course, things didn’t instantly and dramatically change. It was and still is a gradual process of knowing who God is in my life. I know I am a different person now. My desire to seek God and prioritize Him in my life is stronger than ever. In the span of two weeks, I brought five friends to Church. I invited my cousin, who in turn, invited her friend, who hopefully would invite other people too. It is amazing (and sometimes a bit funny) to note that it all started with one person I met on MIRC who didn’t give up on convincing me that I needed the same God who I was beginning to lose faith in. When chatting started to become an addiction for me, God used it to bring me back to Him. Truly, He works in mysterious ways. <br /> <br /><br />New Beginnings…<br /><br /> “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.”<br /><br />2 Corinthians 5:17<br /><br /> <br />That Sunday made a big impact on my life. I started going to church again and slowly, I became involved with church activities, until finally, I became a committed member of the body of Christ! I met Ate Sharon who helped me get to know God deeper and better! I have found Christ in my life and He totally changed me. Over the past few months, I have discovered a lot of things and God has revealed to me so much about His character that I find it hard to put all of them in writing. Experiencing God is one thing that I want others to also live through. For many years, I have been a mediocre Christian, not wanting to make a difference in this world. I was contented with who I was, not wanting to discover God’s purpose for my life. As I started seeking God and finding Him, I knew I was now living for a cause…I was living for something great- greater than I could ever ask for or imagine! I was living for God. <br /> <br /> As I try to look at my life, I realized that in many instances, I was stripped off with everything I had, and got nothing left but God, only to find out, that having God is enough. I admit I was too dependent on my father before. I was the apple of my papa’s eye and I loved him so very much. At first, I blamed God for taking my papa away from me. I didn’t know that truly, His will for my life is good, pleasing and perfect. Now that my father is gone, I have come to know my Heavenly Father who loves me much more than my papa could ever have. Knowing God as my Father has led me to a more intimate relationship with Him, and it is one thing that I could never exchange for anything! <br /><br /> Forget the past and look forward to what lies ahead- this is what I want to put my focus on now. What has happened before is already in the past. We do not have the power to change it, but we can do something about what is yet to come. If I dwell on my past, I could never move on to a much better future God has prepared for me. I want to pay attention on the present and on what I can do NOW that would make a big difference on my tomorrow. Like the apostle Paul, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. <br /><br /> I am now soaring like an eagle flying high above the sky! I am soaring toward my destiny- fullness in Christ!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-114495432240987224?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1144733812099435492006-04-11T12:57:00.000+08:002006-04-11T13:36:52.120+08:00<strong>Life is but a boomerang. Everything comes back to us. What we throw out will simply bounce back. If we give more, we receive more; if we give less, we receive less. I was told that the real essence of giving is doing it until it hurts. I thought about it a lot of times and I've asked myself a couple of questions: "Will I be able to give until it hurts??" "What about MY needs?" When you are down to your last centavo, and you see someone who needs it far more than you do and give it up for that person, is that giving until it hurts?? Then I remembered the old widow in the Bible who gave her very last coins to the offering plate knowing that she won't have anything else to live on. She gave more than any of the other rich guys who offered big sums of money. So I thought to myself, when you give, it doesn't matter how much is given up. What matters is how much is left in your wallet after giving. Now where does "Life is but a boomerang" fit in to all this?? Simple. God sees all things. We reap what we sow. If we sow sparingly, we shall reap sparingly. Giving to others is not a disadvantage for us, it is an opportunity to receive MORE. I take this as a challenge for myself. Faith, as Pastor Ryan said, is giving when you don't have it.I don't lose anything when I give, I simply release God's power to bless me and provide me with more- far more than I could ask for or imagine. </strong><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-114473381209943549?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1141798628293720672006-03-08T14:04:00.000+08:002006-03-08T14:17:08.306+08:00This is a short one, just to assure everyone that yes, I'm still here and no, I haven't stopped blogging. I can't seem to find time to sit and write even for just five minutes. Life is beautiful. God is good. I'm extremely happy now, and I know I will always be. That's it for now!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-114179862829372067?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1140163216240900762006-02-17T15:31:00.000+08:002006-02-17T16:08:37.383+08:00<strong>"You cannot give what you do not have," said Pastor Ryan as Mervin and I slowly took the two vacant seats beside my cousin at a function room in McDonald's where the youth service was held last Valentine's Day. I noticed that all the outreach leaders were wearing this white t-shirt with "Can't Hurry Love" printed on it. The room was cozy but a bit noisy with about a hundred teenagers and college students present that night. As I took my seat, Pastor Ryan immediately caught my attention with what he was discussing. He was emphasizing the value of waiting for the right person God has prepared for each one. I appreciate his message very much that night that I was almost brought to tears as I thought about my struggles with my emotions this past month. "Don't hurry love, you are worth the wait." He then encouraged us to take a stand that night, to be proud that we will wait for the right time and for the right person. He asked people to stand up if they were willing to remain pure until that person and that time will come. I stood up with little hesitation, although I knew it was a big step for me to take considering how I obsessed over my crush this past few weeks. Remaining pure was out of the question, but the waiting part needs a lot of focus and energy for me to actually do.<br /><br />Another of Pastor Ryan's points that struck me the most was how impossible it was to give what you don't have. Love, he said, is founded on God and He displayed that love by sending His Son to die on the Cross. God's very nature is love, and we will never know what love is if we don't know who God is. We will never know who God is if we don't have a relationship with Him. The "love" that this world is so engrossed with is fleeting and based primarily on emotions. It is selfish in such a way that people look for it to satisfy their emotional needs. No, nothing is wrong with that, but then love should never be like that. <br /><br />It is extremely important to wait. When do we know it's the "right time" and when do we know that we are ready to enter into a relationship? Maybe it's not the same for everyone, but for me, it's when I've already become mature in my relationship with God and found true love that only He can give. Then will I be able to share it unconditionally with the person God has prepared for me. Manang Sharon said to me once, "Adam has to sleep while God is forming Eve." So I guess you really can't hurry love- you're (or I'm) worth the wait! </strong><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-114016321624090076?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1139636391236886892006-02-11T13:00:00.000+08:002006-02-11T13:39:51.253+08:00I turned 19 yesterday. Am I thrilled? Not so..Lots of things ran into my mind the whole afternoon. I spent most of the day on reading and reflection. I prayed most of the time because I was a bit lonely. I wasn't sure I was ready to turn 19 yet. The weather seemed to have matched my feelings. Is there a tropical depression?? It's been really cold these past few days. I was a bit confused yesterday. I was really sad and I didn't know why. I wasn't feeling bad about not celebrating my birthday. I didn't want nor did I need a celebration. I dunno.. *sigh* It's my last teenage year, I'm just probably afraid of the thought that I am now expected to be more responsible. Maturity..I guess it's about time!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113963639123688689?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1139222228222095892006-02-06T18:07:00.000+08:002006-02-06T18:37:08.233+08:00It's February once again. Flowers, heart-shaped balloons and chocolates will once again be everywhere! (sigh) I am not sure whether I should be glad about it or not. Tomorrow is the start of our exams btw, but here I am worrying about such a trivial matter! I am not lonely, neither am I sad. I am perfectly contented with my life with no emotional attachment with anyone. I like things the way they are and it doesn't bother me that I don't have a boyfriend (really?? lol). Yes, this month started so well for me that having a hubby is the least of my concerns. Last February 3-4, I attended our Church's Victory Weekend. It was a life-changing experience for me. I cannot find the words to explain the encounter, but then, now is not the right time to write about it yet. Lots of things are on my mind now so I just want to list them all down so I can write about them further later when I'm already done with all my other responsibilities. Anyway, I had a huge crush on this guy in school. I still do like him because he is in many ways, a great guy. I am not proud of how I obsessed about him though. Goodness, he was all that I could talk about! I would stay in this one spot in the college plaza just to wait for him to pass by (which he does very often..hint hint! lol!!!) and all I can do is LOOK! As if I get anything from just looking at him!!!! argghhh... Good thing I have gathered my wits back. I thank God for helping me get over my obsession. It could've gotten worse with all the advertising gimmick this love month has to offer. There is nothing wrong with having a crush on someone just as long as it doesn't take your time, attention and energy too much that you forget about the more important things (which I happened to be guilty of weeks ago). I thank God for spiritual mentors who have helped me control my deceiving and unpredictable emotions. Today marks the day of changes in my life. I am free. As I've said, I'm simply writing down everything that I would want to expound on next time, which is why I'm not going anywhere with this post. Anyway, I miss my chatmates in MIRC and my hunkAngel. I hope he gets to read this. I gotta go run now! (sigh)<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113922222822209589?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1138274085926033632006-01-26T19:07:00.000+08:002006-01-26T19:14:45.943+08:00This is a warning for everyone! Never, as in NEVER tell anyone anything about something u dont want everyone to know about! Get what I mean?? It's ironic that once u tell people to be quiet about something, the more they would babble about it! A word of advice, just keep your mouth SHUT! Funny thing is, I should be telling myself exactly that! tsk..tsk.. Anyway, I have nothing to do now so I thought I should post a blog. I was thinking about the people I know who can't seem to be quiet about what I tell them..even when I tell them to shshshhhhhut up, it just doesnt work! Oh well, one of life's ironies. I'm ok now by the way. I have lots to say about what has been going on these past few weeks but I think I should deal with them some other time.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113827408592603363?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1138058375829448602006-01-24T06:45:00.000+08:002006-01-24T07:19:35.866+08:00<span style="color:#663333;">I had a lot of things bothering me for quite a while. First, I had doubts as to which direction my life was heading and if I'm going the right way. I considered shifting to another course because I seemed to have lost my passion and motivation to pursue accountancy. I went to my PSF (personal and social formation) teacher and told her about this. She gave me a list of other courses which I might be interested in and which were more suited for me. I went to the College of Arts and Sciences office to inquire on what courses were open for LiaCom. I wanted to take up Marketing and PolSci or Marketing and MassCom. I was sooo confused. It was that time in my life when I wasn't sure which voice to listen- the one telling me to pursue my goal (not dream) of being an accountant or the other which says that I might be in the wrong place and I'm heading the wrong direction. </span><br /><span style="color:#663333;"></span><br /><span style="color:#663333;">My classmates talked to me about this and said that I'm not the only one having doubts on whether to continue with the course or not. I wasn't alone. After giving it more careful thought, I decided to give it one more shot. I am now convinced more than ever that I am in the right place. I might be having a hard time with my studies, but who doesn't? Life isn't a bed of roses. With that cleared off my mind, I thought everything was back in place. </span><br /><span style="color:#663333;"></span><br /><span style="color:#663333;">I was wrong.</span><br /><span style="color:#663333;"></span><br /><span style="color:#663333;">My spiritual life was in its all-time high. God kept the fire burning in my heart and I thought I was maturing in my spiritual walk. I didn't know that my response to some terrible words spoken against me would cause me to stumble. <em>Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words cannot hurt me.</em> But they did. Imagine how it would feel like when people close to your heart would tell you that you are more of a burden than a blessing (and this is a more subtle version of what was said). When you put it in accounting terms, I'm more of a liability than an asset. I'm not doing anything to help the situation, they said. I was hurt and I had no one to whom I could vent out my anger I took it out on God. I told Him that I didn't want to be a Christian anymore. I didn't pray for several days and took control of my own life. It didn't make me happy though. I was more miserable than ever, and I needed my dad so badly. I dreamt of him and woke up crying one night. He left me and passed on his responsibility to someone who doesn't want it. I didn't chose to be in this situation. If I could just do more to help so no one could tell me I'm worthless. I am still hurting, and I don't know until when. </span><br /><span style="color:#663333;"></span><br /><span style="color:#663333;">I am back to my Christian walk, but this time, I'm taking it more slowly. I'm taking it one day at a time. God leads the way and I follow. I still am confused, hurt and broken but it's not reason enough to turn against God. I'm slowly picking up the pieces of my life <em>again. </em> I knew this would happen. Every once in a while, I knew I would stumble and fall. But as the saying goes, success is not in never falling, but in rising up every time you fall. I just hope and pray that I would never let go of my faith again.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113805837582944860?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1137630154418647282006-01-19T08:16:00.000+08:002006-01-19T08:22:34.433+08:00I've been very busy lately. It was hard to find the time to sit in front of a computer and write about anything. Anyway, it's our annual sportsfest in school and it's been fun. Anyway, I'll write about it next time when I'm back in my room with the peace and quiet I always long for. I've been having problems at home and I've been contemplating about packing my bags and leaving. Running away from home is such a good idea right now. Anyway, this is all I can write about in the meantime. Let's just wait and see what happens in my already screwed up life.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113763015441864728?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1136265093761217212006-01-03T12:43:00.000+08:002006-01-03T13:11:33.776+08:002005 was a tough year for me. It was the year when I had to mend my broken heart and pick up the pieces of what's left of it. It was the year when I made a lot of mistakes and also the year when I truly understood what it is to be when you learn from your faults. It was the year when I tried so hard to be careful not to fall, but learned to rise up every time I did. It was the year when I had to face a lot of failures, disappointments and fears. It was the year when I wanted to quit. Quit on being strong..on being tough... on being faithful... on being who I am. Fortunately, 2005 didn't end with me losing my sense of self. It didn't end without my heart being whole again. And most of all, it didn't end without me growing up. Yes, I grew up. I've finally said goodbye to my childish ways and thoughts. I am now a woman. This will be my last year at being a teenager. I will face this year with more maturity and faith, knowing that what lies ahead of me is in the control of my Maker. I just hope for the best to come. This will be a prosperous year, I can tell.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113626509376121721?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1135870314423742452005-12-29T22:55:00.000+08:002005-12-29T23:31:54.453+08:00<span style="color:#cc33cc;">This is my last day here in my brother's house at Iloilo, a province just an hour away by boat from home. We (my sis and her family, mom and me) arrived on the 24th and planned to stay til the 28th. We enjoyed our stay here so much that it was but appropriate to extend our vacation a couple of days more. It was really fun and exciting to be here and not to mention, truly refreshing. I don't want to go back home yet, but that's not an option for me I think. I'm leaving in a couple of hours and remembering that I can't go online when I get back home, I decided to post my (possibly) last blog for the year. I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME YET! :( We'll be arriving at 7 am tomorrow. At 9 I'll be going to school to meet with my groupmates to discuss and brainstorm on our feasibility study, then in the afternoon I'll be meeting with another set of groupmates to discuss on another research paper. Who would want to face such responsibilities in the middle of the holidays? I sure don't. I still have lots to study and prepare for. Goodness! I hope it's still possible for me to EXTEND my vacation a couple of WEEKS more. It's just soooo hard to face reality once again. Errr.. As with the internet problems, well, I won't be online for quite some time. Once we get our line back, I'll try to catch up. I'm staying up now because the boat leaves at 4 am and since it's a peak season, we need to get there earlier because there'd be lots of passengers. In short, I won't be sleeping. Anyway, I don't have more to say so I guess it's buh-bye for me now! :)</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113587031442374245?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1135449070694050132005-12-25T02:03:00.000+08:002005-12-25T02:31:10.706+08:00<div align="justify"><span style="color:#cc33cc;">It's 2:12 a.m. of December 25, 2005. Everyone has gone to sleep. As I sit here in front of the computer thinking about something important to write on, I remember two of the most important things I have learned this past year- contentment and trust. Looking back at what has transpired this past year, it pleases me to say that one way or another, I have taken to heart these values. God has taught me to be content by showing me that there is more to this world than just material possessions. The desire to possess things is never ending. You would want more of the things you don't have but then discard them eventually and start looking for other things to better please you. It's never easy to be contented, but it is most important if one wants to live a full and happy life. As Paul said in one of his letters, "in whatever state I am, I learn to be content..." (or something like that). God has also taught me to trust. I am dependent on Him alone because He is my source of everything. As with contentment, learning to trust God is soooo very difficult. It's like walking in the dark with only your friend's voice telling you which way to go. It's believing even without seeing. Sometimes I feel so helpless that I get tempted to doubt, to worry and to go astray. I shared that feeling to friends I have at Church. Ate Sha, my outreach group leader told me one thing. She said that I shouldn't imagine that it's me holding on to God's hand because I might have the tendency to let go. Instead, it should be God holding mine because then I can rest assured that He is faithful enough and strong enough to never let go. It is my prayer this Christmas that my friends and family might learn these things as well. I am not an expert on this yet, but I know that God is working in my life and I'm growing in faith. I just hope I can influence people to do the same. Contentment and trust for me are very essential to a full and happy life. </span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113544907069405013?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1134758402806028642005-12-17T02:20:00.000+08:002005-12-17T02:40:02.826+08:00<span style="color:#993399;"><br />It’s been a while since I last posted an entry on this blog. A lot has happened since November 15 which caused drastic changes in me. I started chatting about 3-4 months ago, and as a newbie in MIRC and messenger (or to cyberspace in general), it has been my rule never to give personal details to any of the people I meet online. I’ve met a lot of people from my place who ask for personal information such as my cellphone number or my address and even ask to meet in real life, as is a usual thing nowadays. However, it has never tempted me to give out such or agree to meet in person with anyone. One night though, I met someone who, just like the others, asked for my number. He wasn’t much different from the people I usually meet on irc, but I don’t know what came over me that night that without much persuasion, I gave my cellphone and landline numbers to him. I discovered that we had many things in common.<br />It was during that time when I was a bit spiritually off. He kept inviting me to go to church with him but I wasn’t ready for that yet. I hadn’t been to church for a long time that I deemed it useless to start going now. He was persistent. Every Saturday night, he would go online just to remind me that it was Sunday the next day and I should go to church. I always had an excuse or sometimes I’d agree to come but won’t show up. But then I felt guilty of what I kept on doing to him when all along he was just concerned about me. I knew that I disappointed him a lot of times so I decided to finally try going. That Sunday, I found out that one of my best friends in school also went to that Church. I also found out that my chatmate was a wonderful person. Going to Church that Sunday was exactly what I needed. I felt God speaking to me, and it was the time that I recommitted my life to Christ. Of course, things didn’t instantly and dramatically change. It was and still is a gradual process of knowing who God is in my life. I know I am a different person now. My desire to seek God and prioritize Him in my life is stronger than ever. In the span of two weeks, I brought five friends to Church. I invited my cousin, who in turn, invited her friend, who hopefully would invite other people too. It is amazing (and sometimes a bit funny) to note that it all started with one person I met on MIRC who didn’t give up on convincing me that I needed the same God who I was beginning to lose faith in. When chatting started to become an addiction for me, God used it to bring me back to Him. Truly, He works in mysterious ways.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113475840280602864?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1132877656823303902005-11-25T08:11:00.000+08:002005-11-25T08:14:16.833+08:00You are having one of the most stress-free days of your life and you feel glad about it thinking that everything is going just the way you want them to. You feel light-hearted and blessed. There is this sense of serenity and peace that seem to linger in the atmosphere despite the chaos that is ever present in your surroundings. This is usually the type of day that is followed by a night which is contrary to what you have experienced just a few hours back. Just because you were having a good day doesn’t necessarily mean that the rest of the human populace also went through the same. It is even worse when people that surround you who are stuck in their own problems and insecurities drag you down with them. You get reprimanded for the slightest mistake. It would then seem that you should feel guilty for having such a good day while they went through hell. It is as if you aren’t allowed to laugh while the rest of the world is crying, or at least someone else is. It is in moments like this when you are left with no choice but to be quiet, for whatever you say would still be taken against you. It is in times such as this that locking yourself up and escaping from the harsh realities of life appear to be the best solution. Be grateful for moments like this. These are exactly the instances when you can fully understand the true essence of patience and empathy.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113287765682330390?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1132342010156805202005-11-19T03:14:00.000+08:002005-11-19T03:26:50.166+08:00<span style="color:#993399;">I am and will be extremely busy this week and the next. I went job hunting today and hopefully will get one by the end of next week. I also went to this praise jam held by Youth on Fire, a young people's organization of the church I am now attending. It was fun and definitely stress-relieving for me after a very hectic week in school. It was something new and unforgettable. I was glad to have joined it. I will be visiting an orphanage tomorrow morning and will have special classes in the afternoon. So, for now, my blog will be on BBL mode. "Be Back Later."</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113234201015680520?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1132075050028113332005-11-15T23:49:00.000+08:002005-11-16T01:17:30.070+08:00<span style="color:#6633ff;">We had a graded recitation in class today on the law on obligations and contracts. We dreaded it not because we weren't prepared for it (we were quite the opposite in fact), but because we feared that we might mess up with our grammar and end up humiliated in front of the whole class. This is usually the case in every class where students are too conscious about how they speak english. They lose their confidence despite the fact that they know the lesson all too well just because they worry too much on their limited vocabulary and grammar skills. I was talking to a friend on the phone earlier about how the class recitation went and he said to me in passing, "You can actually get away with a wrong explanation/answer just as long as you can cover it up with really highfaluting words and can speak straight english." Yeah, I thought, and the teacher would be too impressed to notice. It seems nowadays that the basis of one's intellectual capacity is on how well one could speak and write in the english language. Mispronunciations, grammatical errors and wrong usage of words are thought of as funny and amusing by almost everyone (including myself most of the time), and no one gets away with it without having to hear a wise*ss remark from someone else. Although most wouldn't want to admit it, people would hold a rather high esteem for someone who could master the english language. I don't deny the fact that I get impressed by these people as well. Although I couldn't "master" the language myself, I am also very particular when it comes to grammar (as if I'm that good with grammar). But looking down on people who aren't as good with it is a different thing. No one should dread committing a mistake on the use of a pronoun or mispronouncing the word <em>facade. </em>Nobody's perfect. If my classmates and I would just keep this in mind, we'll do just fine in all the graded recitations to come.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113207505002811333?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1131985024756092212005-11-15T00:10:00.000+08:002005-11-15T00:38:48.753+08:00<div align="center"><br /><img src="http://images.similarminds.com/leader/2.jpg" /><br /><a href="http://similarminds.com/othertests.html">What Famous Leader Are You?</a><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://similarminds.com">personality tests by similarminds.com</a></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:78%;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="color:#cc66cc;">Wow! Mother Teresa eh? That's a compliment.. :)</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113198502475609221?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1131982958263783452005-11-14T23:24:00.000+08:002005-11-14T23:42:38.280+08:00<span style="color:#ff6600;">Yes, AGAIN! This is a shorter me-me but it took me a while to finally do this. I was pretty caught up with a lot of things lately. But here it goes now Aunt Nilla..<br /><br /><span style="color:#cc33cc;">Is it polite to stare?<br /></span><br />I took up social graces in high school but I don’t believe we ever tackled this issue. I believe there is no definite answer for this. Generally, staring at someone can only imply two things. It is either you look stunning (or just worth noticing), that’s why one person can’t keep his/her eyes off you, or you’ve got something on your face. But there can be other reasons as well. For example, the other person might think you look so familiar and tries to remember where s/he has seen you before. Usually, staring at someone might lead the other person to different conclusions. If s/he takes it as a compliment, then well and good. If it’s making him/her uncomfortable, then it is impolite to keep on staring. Personally, I don’t like people staring at me. I don’t like it at all when someone looks intently at me while I’m eating, reading or paying close attention to something. It makes me self-conscious. If half the human populace thinks and feels the way I do, then I guess it is impolite to stare. <br /><br /><span style="color:#cc33cc;">What are your 7 favorite songs?<br /></span><br />I like songs with Christian lyrics but I don’t pick favorites among them because each offers a different meaning and purpose, so I won’t include them on the list below. I picked out the top seven not based on the lyrics, melody or the artist (not that I don’t like them), but on their significance in my life.<br /><br /> Here they are in no particular order:<br /><br /><span style="color:#009900;">1.</span></span><span style="color:#ff6600;"><span style="color:#009900;">You’ll be in my heart-</span> Phil Collins (OST- Tarzan) My dad bought me this Disney Collection cd which I really loved listening to. As a child, I was a Disney lover and I never missed a video tape (no DVDs and VCDs then) of a Disney animated film. My brother and I love this song. When coming home from school, we would usually be stuck in traffic, so we would end up listening to this song over and over again. <br /><span style="color:#009900;"></span></span><br /><span style="color:#ff6600;"><span style="color:#009900;">2.Hakuna matata</span>- (Timon and Pumba of the Lion King) I can’t remember how old I was then, but I could still recall memorizing the whole script of the movie “the Lion King.” It was my favorite movie when I was a kid and I watched it a million times. Timon and Pumba were like my best friends and hakuna matata was our motto. LOL. It means no worries. I still love this song.<br /><span style="color:#009900;"></span></span><br /><span style="color:#ff6600;"><span style="color:#009900;">3.Cry</span>- (Mandy Moore, OST: A Walk to Remember)- I was in my sophomore year in high school when the movie “A Walk to Remember” was the talk of the town, (or of the teenagers). My best friend, Timmy and I watched it in her parents’ room. When we found out that Mandy Moore would soon die in the film, we started crying! The following weekend, we watched it again (and the weeks after that). I laugh every time I remember our obsession. We were just like any other typical teenager. Cry was like our theme song!<br /><span style="color:#006600;"></span></span><br /><span style="color:#ff6600;"><span style="color:#006600;">4.Rainbow</span>-(South Border) In my senior year in high school, we had to create a music video of any song of our choice. Our group picked this song since it was quite popular that time, and it was easy to make a skit out of its lyrics (just had to make it very colorful). The song became the class’ anthem. Even after we graduated, my classmates would still text me the lyrics of the song just to remind me of how fun and memorable that last year was.<br /><span style="color:#009900;"></span></span><br /><span style="color:#ff6600;"><span style="color:#009900;">5.Everyday I love you</span>- (Boyzone)- This is the song I always sing for my mom. I made a promise to love her everyday. I was making her a card for her birthday when I decided to take out lyrics from different songs and put them together to make one lovely letter. I remembered this song and thought it was the most special thing to say to her, after all, “I love you” shouldn’t be said just on birthdays or special occasions, but everyday. <br /><span style="color:#009900;"></span></span><br /><span style="color:#ff6600;"><span style="color:#009900;">6.Ironic</span>- (Alanis Morisette) I had a hard time coping with stress last year. I always locked myself up inside my den to study and it almost freaked me out everyday. Good thing I had Alanis Morisette to accompany me in my solace. I have this cd with a compilation of songs which won the Grammy in…I forgot the year, and this song is included in the list. I would usually turn the volume up when Ironic starts to play and I’d feel a lot better. <br /></span><br /><span style="color:#ff6600;"><span style="color:#009900;">7.Dance with my Father</span>- (Luther Vandross) Need I expound on this? Nah. The significance is pretty obvious. </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113198295826378345?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1131980497373972142005-11-14T22:41:00.000+08:002005-11-14T23:01:37.390+08:00<span style="color:#3333ff;"><br />I was finally home. A new life awaited me, but I wasn’t at all thrilled by the idea of living a life far different from the one I used to have while in Manila with my father. I went to a new school, met new people and tried to live again. I met friends in church and I committed the same mistake of giving my all to them. It was even worse than before. My house was open for them. They were almost living in my home. I gave up my family’s privacy to accommodate them and we considered them as part of the clan. I am especially upset with this particular person who I cared for a lot. I was the first person to be there for her when she needed someone. I gave up my Christmas shopping allowance which I planned to splurge for myself to buy her what she needed (I’m just trying to prove a point here, not to demean anyone. And it wasn’t as if she forced me to buy her anything.) I loved her like a sister. I treated her like one. As I’ve said, I love my friends just as much as I would love my family. I believe I have been the best kind of friend to her. It hurts now to see that she doesn’t care for me as much as I cared for her. I have been away from church for months and she knows the reason why. She knows I have been down and deeply hurt because she was there to witness it herself the day I left. Where is she now? I haven’t heard a word from her in a while. I sent her messages telling her I was fine so she won’t worry about me, but I don’t think she ever did worry about me. She still sees my sister in church every Sunday, but doesn’t even talk to her to ask about me or just to say hi. I still care a lot about her though. Despite the indifference she’s been showing me lately, I love her just as much as I used to. Maybe it’s her loss. I know now that I mustn’t expect too much from my friends. I should just love them, care for them and be there for them because it makes me happy to do so. Maybe it isn’t enough reason to stop being a friend to someone if that person doesn’t respond with the same enthusiasm that you show him or her. I hate to sound like a martyr. It isn’t as if they’ve never been there for me. Sure they did, maybe once or twice. I shouldn’t take that against them, but I can’t help being hurt, that’s all. </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113198049737397214?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1131978351497526562005-11-14T21:50:00.000+08:002005-11-14T22:25:51.523+08:00<span style="color:#993399;"><br />One thing that I value most in my life is friendship. I give my all to the people who I consider friends. My parents, on different occasions, have warned me about being too open and generous to my friends. I never listen to them because I always believed that my friends care for me as much as I care for them. It is nothing but a give and take relationship, and I trusted my friends to be there for me when I need them. Sadly though, I have been betrayed one too many times by the people I have sacrificed a lot for and most especially, by the people I have learned to love and care for so much. During my high school days, I have believed myself to be as good as any friend can be to my “barkada” (group of friends). There was even a point in my life when my dad got mad at me because I was more concerned with their convenience than his or my family’s. I never meant for that to happen but it was happening all the same. It was most unfortunate that I got to see who my real friends were only in the last few months of my senior year in high school. How did that happen? As I’ve recounted in my previous posts, I lost my dad just a few months before my graduation. Only one person went to my dad’s wake- my best friend, Timmy. None of my other friends was there. Timmy was the only one who stayed right beside me as I cried over my loss. The night my dad finally gave up, she was the first person to call me. She was there to cry with me (and cried even harder than I did) and brought along her family to console my own. When I went back to school after two weeks, it was as if nothing happened. Life went on. Weeks before our graduation, my friends and I had a big fight. We were able to settle things a few days before the big day, but it was too late to bring back the trust, love and confidence that we used to have. We parted ways with a final hug and kiss and I never saw them again. I guess true friends are indeed hard to find. </span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113197835149752656?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1131901947135754262005-11-13T22:58:00.000+08:002005-11-14T01:12:27.726+08:00I have been struggling with my doubts, fears and anxieties for the past few months. I could say that for a long time, I have allowed myself to be carried away by the heavy outpouring of lies and deceit that the enemy has planned on using against me to shake my faith, which I believe was built on firm foundation. I gave him a stronghold- a way to defeat me, and for the past months or so, I was definitely losing the battle which was already won for me by Christ in Calvary. I was led astray by false accusations made by the enemy. I was made to think that I am not worthy to come before God because sin has gotten in between us. I fell right into the trap. I ran away from God because I became a victim of Satan as he used his very powerful device- a magnifying glass! (I am not joking.) He used it to make my problems look bigger, and thus, he got my undivided attention. I wasn't looking at how big my Father is anymore, but on how overwhelming my circumstances were. I wasn't focused on His forgiving and loving nature anymore, but on how big my sin is, how unforgivable, how shameful. The magnifying glass has done its miracle. <br /><br />Broken, that is what I was. With the realization of my brokenness, it became easy enough to acknowledge my need for the only One who could make me whole again. As I inch a bit closer to Him, I realized that nothing could ever separate me from His love because there is no degree of sin that His love cannot forgive. As I took a step towards Him, I knew I could never be the same without Him. And finally, as I held out my hand to Him, I acknowledged that He is all I want or will ever need. <br /><br />Yesterday was Sunday, and for the first time in months, I went to church.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113190194713575426?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1131385542234588622005-11-08T01:08:00.000+08:002005-11-08T01:45:42.253+08:00<span style="color:#993399;">It's scary to ever fall in love with a good friend. There is too much risk involved. It's worse to love someone who is also crazy about somebody else- too painful! It's plain mad to fall in love with a person you just met and had a few laughs with. You couldn't tell if it's too soon. It's also hard to fall in love when you're 14 or 15 because everyone will say you're too young for it. A lot harder when you fall in love with someone much older or younger than you. You'd have to face a lot of criticism. To sum it up, falling in love isn't at all a walk in the park. I find it too complicated and too risky. But even with all this, it is ironic that people would rather live and get their hearts broken than die without having to experience love. Honestly, I'm scared. The thought of falling in love and getting hurt terrifies me. I congratulate myself for getting over my latest obsession. What I'm working on now is protecting myself from hurt. And the only way to do that is not to fall in love with anyone (at least not yet). I was once a hopeless romantic who would always dream about being swept off her feet by the man of her dreams. Thank goodness I got over my girlish fantasies! I'm happy to finally grow up. I'm a lot wiser now than I used to be, so I'm staying off that area for now. It's good to play safe. Slowly but surely. </span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"></span><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">hmm.. the title seems inappropriate! but what the heck..it sounds ok! </span></em><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113138554223458862?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1131207351084232372005-11-06T00:08:00.000+08:002005-11-06T00:54:58.743+08:00<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em><span style="color:#ff0000;">Kids suffering from child labor; women battling with breast cancer; families hardly eating three full meals a day; people trying to cope with poverty, suffering from the loss of a loved one, and struggling against life’s bondages.</span></em><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#993399;">The world is full of this and more, so it is of little wonder why a lot of people refuse to believe in the existence of a good and loving God. Someone once asked me why God would create me, my dad and cancer and require us to ask Him to heal it. Shame and guilt overcame me as I realized that I didn’t have the answer to this question. My mind raced and quickly went in search for a useful passage in the Bible. To my great dismay, my mind went absolutely blank. I kept pondering on the question, but with my own strength and wisdom, I couldn’t seem to form an answer. I asked some people I know about their opinion and here are some of what I got:<br /><br />· God never promised us a rose garden.<br />· God didn’t create suffering and pain, Satan did.<br />· We live in a fallen world. People suffer because of the consequences of their sins.<br />· Suffering and pain are sent to test us.<br />· It started when Adam and Eve sinned against God in the Garden of Eden. It was sin that brought about suffering and pain. It is a result of man’s choice.<br />· God allows such because He is mean and He loves seeing people suffer.<br /><br />I came across this email from a friend, which seemed to answer the question. Ok, I think I’ll post it next time so as not to bore you.<br /><br />This morning, as I opened my reading for the day, here is what I found:<br /></span><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em><span style="color:#ff6600;">The question of God’s allowing pain and suffering has plagued man’s heart since the beginning of time: If God is a good God, why does He allow bad things to happen? God always has a purpose for allowing the difficulties of life:<br /><br />Spiritual cleansing. Nothing exposes sin like pain and suffering.<br /><br />Companionship. God is not the author of evil, but He uses it to bring you into a closer relationship with Himself.<br /><br />Conformity. C.S. Lewis once commented: “Prayer does not change God; it changes us.” Adversity purifies your motives and strips away the dross in your life so that you reflect His love to others with an even greater brilliance.<br /><br />Conviction. After Christ’s death, the disciples had to hold fast to what they believed concerning God’s Son. In the end, the adversity they faced led to an increased joy that came through the reality of living in harmony with the Holy Spirit.<br /><br />Comfort. When God becomes your only Source of comfort in times of trials, you will experience an inner peace like nothing you have felt before. (Into His Presence by Charles Stanley, 2000)<br /></span></em><br /><span style="color:#993399;">I posted this blog so I could use it as easy reference the next time I am faced with the same question. We are all entitled to an opinion, so I’m open to hear some more thoughts on this.</span> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113120735108423237?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1131130667249614742005-11-05T01:52:00.000+08:002005-11-05T02:57:47.290+08:00<span style="color:#993399;">Now this is my first ever "meme" post. I didn't know what it was until I was tagged by my dad (online dad) and aunt (still online) to do one. Well, if you want to know more about me..read this:</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"></span><br /><span style="color:#ff6600;">7 things I plan to do before I die:</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"></span><br /><ol><li><span style="color:#993399;">Become a CPA lawyer (and a successful one at that)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Earn a lot of money</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Visit Europe and the US of A (I have never been anywhere outside the Philippines!!!) </span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Build an orphanage (my "dream" since I was 13!)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Retire to run the orphanage myself.</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Go to Africa to help people and tell them about God</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Meet a guy who doesn't think I'm crazy (but who is crazy enough to fall head over heels in love with me) and gladly joins me in all my "wild" escapades.</span><br /></li></ol><p><span style="color:#ff6600;">7 things I can do:</span></p><ol><li><span style="color:#993399;">Study for 12 hours straight in preparation for an 8-hour exam the following day, chat til dawn and manage to take the exam without dozing off! (did I already mention three things? Well, consider them only one!)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Teach at least 20 rowdy kids in a tiny room for 2 hours every Sunday for over a year without once losing my patience (just my voice)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Shop til I drop without buying anything for myself</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Shop til I drop without buying anything for anyone else but myself (hey,I'm not that selfless!)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Get over an obsession (surprise surprise!!)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Keep a secret (well, it can be hard though)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Yell at anyone who would dare violate my rights. I yelled at a bunch of teenage boys at the cinema because they were laughing hard and talking rather loudly while I was concentrating on the film. I also yelled at a cab driver because he didn't want to follow the directions I was giving him. He wanted to take a different route! (he had the nerve!!!) I also exchanged unpleasantries with a guy in a basketball game. I'm a basketball enthusiast- too enthusiastic for my own good though.</span><br /></li></ol><p><span style="color:#993399;"><span style="color:#ff6600;">7 things I can't do</span> (Here are the things that I did try to do, but realized later on that I really can't!)</span></p><ol><li><span style="color:#993399;">Draw or paint </span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Save a portion of my allowance (I can't seem to stop spending)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Have a boyfriend (at least not now, but I sure do wanna have one!!! haha)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Learn to like eating vegetables</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Speak more than three languages (I tried learning how to speak French and Italian..errr..it was hard!)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Write with my left hand </span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Keep my back straight</span><br /></li></ol><p><span style="color:#ff6600;">7 things that can attract me to a person</span></p><ol><li><span style="color:#993399;">Wit and humor (I consider both as one..a witty person usually has humor as well)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Honesty</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">A brillian mind (at least quick and intelligent..someone who I can talk to for hours)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">A great smile</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Beautiful eyes</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Here's a lil secret... my heart melts every time I see a guy flocked with kids and who actually enjoys all their attention! I'm a sucker for guys who love children. </span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Someone who can talk to me about God without once getting bored with the topic</span><br /></li></ol><p><span style="color:#ff6600;">7 Celebrity crushes</span></p><ol><li><span style="color:#993399;">Brad Pitt (Well, duh..he's sexy!)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Chris O Donell (He has a great smile!)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Josh Hartnett (because of Pearl Harbor)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Joshua Jackson (I was a Dawson's Creek fan)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Eric Bana (I dunno..I liked him in Troy. He is ruggedly handsome)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Tom Welling (my hero! sheeeshhh..)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Prince William *looks dreamy*</span><br /></li></ol><p><span style="color:#ff6600;">7 things I say the most</span></p><ol><li><span style="color:#993399;">"whatever"</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">"I dunno"</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">maybe??</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">errr..or eww </span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">huh?!</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">well..</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">I think</span><br /></li></ol><p><span style="color:#993399;"><span style="color:#ff6600;">7 bloggers I am tagging</span> </span></p><ol><li><span style="color:#993399;">Bratty</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Twi</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Jim Paredes (hihihi)</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Jedi of the Desert</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Natsumi</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Mikki</span><br /></li><li><span style="color:#993399;">Anya</span><br /></li></ol><p><span style="color:#993399;">Wow! It took me a long time to finish it. Whew! It was hard thinking about the 7 things I can do. Oh well..at least I'm done with that now! </span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113113066724961474?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1131092822437821902005-11-04T15:05:00.000+08:002005-11-04T16:27:02.613+08:00<span style="color:#993399;">What I want to do right now is go look for a job. I have been planning to work since my freshman year in college but my brothers didn't want me to. "None of us ever worked while we were studying, so you won't either." Nothing has been the same since papa passed away, but I've learned to cope. I have learned to "accept the things I cannot change." I want to work because I know it is the only way I can help my mother. She can't count on me to do the chores at home because she never trained me to do "hard labor" as I call it. Lately, my desire to work and earn a living has never been stronger. I can't help feeling like I'm some sort of excess baggage- useless and nothing but another mouth to feed. Well, it's not that my family doesn't care about me. I just feel that way sometimes. If there's one thing that I would want to do now, it is to pay my share of the bills. I don't know where to look for a job and what work would suit my "abilities" and if I could manage my time well enough not to fail my subjects. Although I had good grades the past three semesters, I couldn't say it was because of how smart I was (hehe). I worked my butt off to earn those marks, which would mean that if I become a working student, I'll need to work a lot harder than I did before. And to add to that, I applied for a scholarship program given by SGV (Sycip Gorres and Velayo accounting firm) for accountancy students. Maintaining grade? 90! If I can manage to get the scholarship, maintain it, and earn money at the same time, I will certainly graduate as Cum Laude with a very attractive resume. If I can further manage to pass the CPA board exam and say, be on the top 10, I don't think I'd ever go hungry again. But I think that would be asking too much!!! Reality check... <em>I hardly passed the qualifying exam!</em> It isn't bad to dream anyway. One thing I like about feeling useless is that I get to be motivated. It is what drives me to become a better person. It is a challenge. I am in the process of making my dreams a reality, so I'll start with job hunting. :)</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113109282243782190?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1130671757344086622005-10-30T19:10:00.000+08:002005-10-30T19:29:17.363+08:00<span style="color:#993399;"><br />While I’m writing this blog, I’m trying to log on to the Internet. I was disconnected two hours ago and been trying to reconnect ever since. It has been trying my patience but I know better than to cuss, shout or grumble on about how all this sucks. It won’t do me any good anyway so I’d rather do something productive while I wait to be connected again. I’m not really a very patient person. I am in fact quite impulsive for my own good. Anyway, let me talk about what happened today. I woke up at around 9 am, and as usual, went out of my room to see what’s going on outside without first washing my face or brushing my hair. After breakfast, I was set to do my daily routine since the start of the semestral break- read, go online, eat and sleep, but my mom had other plans in mind. She took out all the dirty clothes and asked (it was more of a command actually) me to do the laundry since more than half of the dirty clothes were mine! I couldn’t say no. If I didn’t do the laundry, mom will. That is one thing my conscience could not bear. Doing the laundry isn’t a cup of tea. No, you wouldn’t just throw the clothes in a washing machine and voilaaa.. OUT COME CLEAN CLOTHES! It takes more than that, especially with the kind of mother I have! Sometimes, even after the clothes have been machine washed, she would still make sure that they were really clean by hand washing them. And she never uses the machine to rinse the clothes. When the maid does the washing, she watches over and makes sure that the maid doesn’t do anything stupid. So it was a bit flattering when she left me alone to do the laundry. I wanted so much to impress her that I took as many clothes as I deemed possible for me to finish and started hand washing them! After a couple of hours, I was able to wash at least a dozen pieces of clothing. Feeling pleased with myself, I took another set of clothes to wash, but by this time, I could already feel my back starting to ache and my muscles getting a bit tired. Not even that could deter me from going the extra mile to please my mother. I finished off washing 22 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, 11 pairs of shorts and a lot of undies. Tonight, I could barely finish typing this new entry. I put ointment on both arms, gave each a massage and wrapped them with pieces of fabric I got somewhere. My muscles are sooooo sore and I need to be distracted for a while. But there must be something wrong with the network! I’m almost done with this blog, yet I still couldn’t establish a connection! Great! I should just sleep through this pain then. Geez, I should’ve just stuck to the routine! *sigh *</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113067175734408662?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1130588269483651502005-10-29T19:43:00.000+08:002005-10-29T20:17:49.510+08:00<span style="color:#993399;">Yesterday, I attended the christening of my 4th godchild. It was a short ceremony followed by a rather lavish celebration. My three other godchildren are my nieces and nephew so this really is the first time for me to be a godmother to someone other than my relatives. I liked the thought of being a godparent and I tried pondering on what it took to be one. That got me thinking about my godparents and how they’ve contributed to my growth and development. It made me realize that other than the expensive dolls, dresses and toys I get ever Christmas and birthday, I never got to hear a word of advice or counsel from any of them. If giving presents were the only way of showing love and affection to someone, then I must’ve been the most fortunate godchild ever. My “ninongs” and “ninangs” (as we would call them in our local dialect) never failed to send birthday and Christmas presents every year. Oh, aside from the gifts, they did show sympathy and a bit of support when I lost my dad a couple of years ago. “You know you can always call me if you need anything, iha.” <em>Really?? No, ninong, I didn’t know that!</em> At my dad’s funeral, I received at least three offers from different godparents to provide for my college expenses. It was a few months away from my high school graduation when my father passed away, and we had enough money and financial assistance from my own relatives for me to even bother thinking about the promises made by my godparents. I didn’t know that in two years I’d need their support badly. But now, it seems rather hard to contact any of them. </span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><br /> Anyway, as a godparent myself (and a proud one at that) I will try my best to give my beloved godchildren more than just expensive presents during special occasions (although my gift was the largest among the other presents yesterday). I will try to be present when they need my support and affection the most. I will love them as if they were my own. I will look after their spiritual growth and care for them the best way I know how. This is the kind of responsibility I gladly take to heart. </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113058826948365150?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1130343180546951732005-10-27T00:03:00.000+08:002005-10-27T00:13:00.556+08:00<div align="justify"><span style="color:#993399;"><br />Thinking…still thinking…thinking harder…keep trying…ughhh!!! Nothing!!!! Empty. That’s what it is. My mind is really empty. It’s hard to post a new entry on my blog without knowing what to write about. I’ve been meaning to write just about anything that is of importance to me but I couldn’t seem to put something..ANYTHING into writing. So forgive me if I’ll bore you to death with this pointless entry, not that I haven’t done that already with the last posts. Who cares?? I don’t blog to please people. I do it because I like it and I enjoy writing as much as I enjoy reading. Plus, I don’t get to write much anymore since what I’m taking up in college doesn’t require much of it. I get busy with the calculator most of the time and it sucks. Funny thing is, I already got attached with my calculator. I bring it with me everywhere I go. Err.. digression! Focus! Where was I? Hmm.. Right! So I’ve been meaning to post a blog everyday since the start of my vacation, but every time I start to write about something, I experience what they call a “blogger’s block.” Is that right?? Anyway, since I’ve been struggling with boredom the whole day, I finally decided to force myself to post a new entry (with a lil push of course from the blog professor..LOL) whether or not it’d end up being as pointless as this already is. What’s so great about blogging though, is that you get as much freedom as you want with what you prattle on without having to fear whether people will like it or not. Because it doesn’t really matter if it seems meaningless for some, as long as it is how you feel and you’re honest about it. See what it says up there? Look up.. This is MY corner, so this is about ME!. I’d rather be hated for who I am, than be loved for who I am not. Hmm.. Now this isn’t as pointless as I think it would be eh. Somewhere in the middle of all that (points up to what she wrote), I actually learned something. * smiles *<br /> </span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113034318054695173?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1130171706192531062005-10-24T23:23:00.000+08:002005-10-25T00:35:06.233+08:00<span style="color:#993399;">When I'm in my darkest moments, God often finds a way to remind me of how important I am to Him. Like today for instance, I felt like I was the most worthless piece of ...uhh,err..creature (piece of creature?!?) that ever walked on this planet because that's exactly what other people try to make me feel (and it hurts to think that these "other people" are actually the ones closest to my heart). I don't want to go into the details because it would just make me feel worse than I already do. Here's what God wanted to tell me through a message sent by my closest friend just when I badly needed it:</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"></span><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">There are many reasons God saved you: to bring glory to Himself, to appease His justice, to demonstrate His sovereignty. But one of the sweetest reasons God saved you is because He is fond of you. He likes having you around. He thinks you are the best thing to come down the pike in quite a while. If God had a refrigerator , your picture would be on it. If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He will listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, but He chose your heart. Face it friend.. HE'S CRAZY ABOUT YOU! </span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;"></span></em><br /><span style="color:#993399;">It's a wonderful thought, God being crazy about me! Someone so powerful, so mighty and awesome would actually be crazy about some girl who falls asleep while in the middle of a conversation with Him, and who sometimes blames Him for all the misfortune she has faced and who oftentimes humiliates Him because of the way she acts. It's hard to imagine but it is true. This thought hasn't made me hurt-proof, because it doesn't change the fact that I'm human, so yes, I still get hurt by how people try to make me feel. It has done one thing though. It assured me that no matter what other people say or do to me, God cares so much about me! And THAT makes me soooo not worthless! Because if I were, He wouldn't have died on that cross.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-113017170619253106?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1129914502614440142005-10-21T23:50:00.000+08:002005-10-22T01:16:06.853+08:00<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span >I've been really busy at school lately that I never had a clue on what was going on in my country. I haven't watched the news for a few months now and was shocked to see rallyists and the police battling it out at Mendiola. I was like, "What in heaven's name is going on?" I thought everyone has dropped the issue on impeaching the president (I didn't even know there was an impeachment proceeding) and all that crap has finally died down, but I was completely wrong. It seems that it's a long way from over. As long as the prices remain unstable, people would still blame it on the president and don't have anything better to do than march on to Mendiola and stick it out there even without food and water just to voice out their protest against the government. "Impeach the president" is still their cry. The whole Philippines is suffering due to the instability in the government caused by acts such as this. It is sad that we from the province also have to go through the same "suffering" even if we don't care much about what the people in Manila are trying to protest on. If I try to really think about it, most of us don't care at all. I for one, have gone tired of ousting a president just because most people don't like him/her anymore. Whoever is in power, our lives in the province would still be the same. We try to make do of what we have. Except for some of the minor protest rallies led by Negrense activists who are also for the ousting of the president, it is almost peaceful here even with the harshness of inflation lurking around. And it is ironic that we, who have got nothing to do with the cause of such inflation have to suffer just the same as with those who have everything to do with it. I just pray that we could finally experience the "economic take-off" the president has been promising since God knows when, but for the meantime, I hope that people would try counting from one to more than just ten (maybe up to a hundred) before they act on impulse.</span> </span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-112991450261444014?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1129700277917191292005-10-19T13:26:00.000+08:002005-10-19T13:37:57.923+08:00<div align="justify"><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4341/1671/1600/bearhug4.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4341/1671/320/bearhug3.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />"<span style="color:#993399;">You'll understand what I mean when you become a mother yourself one day." I get very annoyed every time my mom tells me that, especially when I really want to have things my way and she won't let me. I am smart enough to understand that all my mother wants is the best for me, but dumb enough to try to be ignorant of that fact. It's hard to be rational when say, I really really really want to go to this concert with my friends but my parents won't let me just coz they're afraid that something bad might happen and I'd get caught up in a stampede or something. I mean, what are the chances of that happening? I would think it's not me who's being irrational here, but then I might be very wrong.<br /><br />I've always believed that if parents try to be more open-minded and see things like we (kids) do, they'd understand us better and become more lenient. Just recently though, I've learned not to hold on to that belief anymore. Here's why.<br /><br />We are a family of coca-cola addicts. Our meals would never be complete without Coke. But every night, mom would usually remind everyone of the rule, "no softdrink for kids." Of course, my one-year old niece Kenneth, or "Kimitotski" as I fondly call her, isn't aware of this. As a matter of fact, Coke or "tok" as she would pronounce it, is her favorite word! Every time she sees a bottle of coke, she'd run to the table and shout, "Nana (what she calls her yaya) tok!!!" But since it's not up to the maid to decide whether to let her have some or not, she'd run to her dad and beg, "Dada, tok!" in her sweetest voice. My brother who can't resist his youngest daughter's charm, would give in. My mom would protest and and would tell my brother not to let her drink coke as it is not good for babies, but he'd say, "What do you want me to do? She'd cry." "Kimay, enough!" Mama would warn. But Kimay doesn't care at all. She'd beg for more of her favorite "tok." "Enough!" Mom would say for the last time and would take the bottle away. Kimay would cry and cry and cry...because she doesn't understand that coke isn't good for her.<br /><br />I had been a "Kimay" my entire teenage life. I had always fought with my mom because, though I knew she knows what's best, I still thought I can handle things by myself and thus, would want to have it my way all the time. "I know you mean well mom, but things just aren't the way they were before." Every time my mom would tell me, "Yet, I've been a teenager once. Believe me when I tell you not to do this or that," I'd think yeah, whatever! Now I realize how wrong I was. Parents do know what's best. Experience has taught them a lot of things and wisdom is one thing that they sure have that we don't. Just as Kimay didn't understand that Coke isn't good for babies like herself, we are also oftentimes unaware of the things that might be dangerous for us. And just as Kimay had her granny to tell her she's had enough and takes away the Coke, we also have mom and dad to protect us from the dangers of teenage ignorance. The world is not a very friendly place to live in, but it sure is much safer- if only we'd listen to parents. </span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-112970027791719129?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1129352497981180402005-10-15T12:52:00.000+08:002005-10-15T13:01:37.986+08:00<div align="center"><strong><span style="color:#993399;">When Tomorrow Starts Without Me</span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="color:#993399;"></span></strong> </div><div align="center"><strong><span style="color:#993399;"></span></strong> </div><div align="center"><span style="color:#993399;">(An email from our pastor when I lost my dad. I would like to believe that it's from my wonderful papa.)</span></div><div align="center"><span style="color:#993399;"></span> </div><div align="center"><span style="color:#993399;">When tomorrow starts without me,<br />And I'm not there to see.<br />If the sun should rise and find your eyes,<br />All filled with tears for me.<br /><br />I wish so much you wouldn't cry,<br />The way, you did today.<br />While thinking of the many things,<br />We didn't get to say.<br /><br />I know how much you love me,<br />As much , as I love you.<br />And each time that you think of me,<br />I know you'll miss me too.<br /><br />But when tomorrow starts without me,<br />Please try to understand.<br />That an angel came and called my name,<br />And took me by the hand.<br /><br />And said my place was ready,<br />In Heaven, far above.<br />And that I'd have to leave behind,<br />All those, I dearly love.<br /><br />But as I turned to walk away,<br />A tear fell from my eye.<br />For all my life, I'd always thought,<br />I didn't want to die.<br /><br />I had so much to live for,<br />So much yet to do.<br />It seemed almost impossible,<br />That I was leaving you.<br /><br />I thought of all the yesterdays.<br />The good ones and the bad.<br />I thought of all the love we shared,<br />And all the fun we had.<br /><br />If I could relive yesterday,<br />Just even for awhile.<br />I'd say goodbye and kiss you,<br />And maybe see you smile.<br /><br />But then I fully realized,<br />That this could never be.<br />For emptiness and memories,<br />Would take the place of me.<br /><br />And when I thought of worldly things,<br />I might miss, come tomorrow.<br />I thought of you, and when I did,<br />My heart was filled with sorrow.<br /><br />But when I walked through heaven's gates,<br />I felt so much at home.<br />When God looked down and smiled at me,<br />From His great golden throne.<br /><br />He said "This is eternity,<br />And all I've promised you."<br />Today for life on earth is past,<br />But here it starts anew.<br /><br /> I promise no tomorrow,<br />But today will always last.<br />And since each day's the same day,<br />There's no longing for the past.<br /><br />But you have been so faithful,<br />So trusting and so true.<br />Though there were times, you did some things,<br />You knew you shouldn't do.<br /><br />But you have been forgiven,<br />And now at last you're free.<br />So won't you take my hand,<br />And share my life with me?<br /><br />So when tomorrow starts without me,<br />Don't think we're far apart.<br />For every time you think of me,<br />I'm right here, in your heart. </span></div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center"> </div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-112935249798118040?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1129350800565092532005-10-15T12:05:00.000+08:002005-10-15T12:33:20.573+08:00<div align="center"><span style="font-family:times new roman;font-size:180%;color:#cc33cc;"><strong>Why Mothers Cry</strong></span></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#cc33cc;"></span></strong> </div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc33cc;"></span></strong> </div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:85%;color:#666666;">(a post I found on a very special website)</span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:85%;color:#666666;"></span></strong> </div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:85%;color:#666666;"></span></strong> </div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#cc33cc;">"Why are you crying?" he asked his mom.<br />"Because I'm a mother." she told him.<br />"I don't understand." he said.<br />"You never will, but that's okay."<br />Later the little boy asked his father,<br />Why mothers seemed to cry for no reason.<br />"All mothers cry for no reason,"<br />Was all his dad could say.<br />The little boy grew up and became a man,<br />Still wondering, why mothers cry.<br />So he finally put in a call to God.<br />And when God got on the phone the man said,<br />"God, why do mothers cry so easily?"<br />God said:<br />"You see son, when I made mothers,<br />They had to be special.<br />I made their shoulders strong enough to carry,<br />The weight of the world,<br />Yet gentle enough to give comfort.<br />I gave them an inner strength,<br />To endure childbirth and rejection,<br />That many times come from their children.<br />I gave them a hardness that allows them<br />To keep going, when everyone else gives up.<br />And to take care of their families through,<br />Sickness and fatigue without complaining.<br />I gave them the sensitivity to love their children,<br />Under all circumstances.<br />Even when their child has hurt them very badly.<br />This same sensitivity helps them,<br />To make a child's boo-boo feel better.<br />And helps them share a teenager's anxieties and fears.<br />I gave her strength to care for her husband,<br />Despite, faults.<br />And I fashioned her from his rib,<br />To protect his heart.<br />I gave her wisdom to know,<br />That a good husband, never hurts his wife.<br />But sometimes tests her strengths.<br />And her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.<br />For all of this hard work, I also gave her,<br />A tear to shed.<br />It is hers to use whenever needed,<br />And it is her only weakness.<br />When you see her cry,<br />Tell her how much you love her.<br />And all she does for everyone,<br />And even though she may still cry,<br />You will have made her heart feel good."<br />"She is special!"</span></div><div align="center"><span style="color:#cc33cc;"></span> </div><div align="center"><span style="color:#ff99ff;">In behalf of all the kids who made their mama cry, I would like to say sorry! For my mom and all the wonderful mothers out there, THANK YOU for making life a whole lot special! Cheers!!! =) </span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-112935080056509253?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1129313567644554012005-10-15T01:56:00.000+08:002005-10-16T01:59:34.713+08:00<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4341/1671/1600/when%20God%20writes.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 152px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 168px" height="90" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4341/1671/320/when%20God%20writes.jpg" width="100" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;font-size:180%;color:#ff0000;">When God Writes Your Love Story</span></strong><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#ff0000;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">(this is the exact same blog i posted on friendster..not really carefully thought of..hehe)</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">I dont know if I'll get sued for putting that pic here or talking about this book..hehe..but anyhow, it's free advertising.. I dont think they'll sue..I've been thinking about this lately- God writing my love story..humor me, I'm a teenage girl, of course I think about it all the time! If you haven't noticed, my blog is entitled badbadboys coz I dont trust them..who I trust though, is God. I want to call out to all the women out there who find themselves obsessed with finding "mr right" (cliche as it may sound) and falling head over heels in love, be extra patient. Allow God to write your love story. It will come at the right time with the right person if only we allow him to work in our lives. I know im not in the best position to talk about not obsessing and waiting patiently on God since I didn't wait patiently on him before and I certainly did obsess..lol..I'm more careful now and wiser..wise enough not to mess things up by taking things into my own hands. Guyalone (my online dad on mirc) and I are on a mission- save heartbroken women from the evil hands of obsession!!! LOL.. But seriously, this should serve as an encouragement to women. There is no better way than God's way..and that includes taking the right path and making the right decisions especially in your love life. Let God take care of your heart- let Him write your love story...=)</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-112931356764455401?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1129142810756896302005-10-13T00:28:00.000+08:002005-10-13T02:46:50.793+08:00<span style="font-size:180%;color:#ff0000;">Answered Prayers</span><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"></span><br /><em><span style="color:#ff0000;">Ask and it shall be given to you. </span></em><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"></span><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">I have this thing with God. I always try to test His power. Even though I believe I am a strong Chrisitian, there are times when I want to make sure that what I believe in is real. Not that God hasn't made it clear enough long ago, but I just want to make sure from time to time because there are instances when doubt crosses my mind and I ask myself, "What if you found out one day that God really didn't exist and it would be too late for you to believe in the real 'supreme being?'" My relationship with God hasn't been that strong lately, so I asked Him for a revival. Everyday, I pray that God would not allow me to go astray. That He'd keep me and look out for me and make sure I don't get lost. "Just always hug me, Lord," I often tell Him. Lately, it has been a bit different. I couldn't feel His arms around me, although I am pretty sure He's there as He always is. So I asked if He could move a bit closer and reveal Himself to me. And another thing, I asked if He could send someone that I could help. It's not what I usually request, but I felt the great need to have someone to pray for. </span><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"></span><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">That same day, God sent someone. Funny thing is, I found that person in the least expected place- ONLINE! When I asked for someone to help, I was thinking more about the kids I always see outside my school running around with no shoes on or the woman who I see everyday begging for food at Jollibee. But God does work in mysterious ways. And He sure is wise not to send me a beggar to help since I myself don't have a single centavo on my name. He sent me someone who needed a friend, and that's what I am best at- being a friend. </span><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"></span><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Let's call him Fred. I was online that night when I met Fred. I needed someone to help me with a project that I had to pass the next day so I asked my friends in cyberspace to give me a hand. And voillllaaaaa!!!! I get Fred- the answer to my prayers and incidentally, the answer to my project as well. Of course I still didn't have an idea that he was the person I asked God for. I wasn't even thinking about it. We talked for a few hours, mostly about my project, but the conversation somehow became a bit serious. He told me about his mom and that he hasn't talked to her for months. I got devastated after losing my dad and I regret each moment I spent not talking to him and arguing with him. So I told Fred about this and encouraged him to talk to his mother. I never expected how a single advice could change my life forever.</span><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"></span><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">The following night, when I went online, Fred was there too. First thing he said was, "I took your advice." My mind raced, <em>What advice?? </em>I couldn't even remember what I told him. "I talked to my mom," he said. I couldn't have been more surprised or elated! I couldn't believe he would take such a big step. That night, he told me more about himself. He told me about his dad and other serious things in his life. I told him I'd pray for him and a lot of other stuff that I can't seem to remember anymore. And so I prayed that God would work in his life. I prayed that His hand would touch his heart and show him His greatness. I asked Him to be God in Fred's life and in doing so, He would be changing my life as well. I did nothing but pray..and pray.. and pray.. because I wanted to see it, to see God work!</span><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"></span><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">And God did a miracle. I saw how He moved. I SAW IT! In Fred's life.. The new things about his life that he himself couldn't believe would happen, the changes..everything..I saw it all! That's when I realized it wasn't I who helped Fred. God used Fred's life to show me that my faith is worth dying for and my God is worth living for. I came to know a lot of things about faith because of this experience and I would love to tell the story over and over again. Just last night I was thinking about what people might think of me. I thought about them thinking how stuck I was with my faith and that I have nothing else to talk about except for God, God and God. But then I realized my life is no good without my strong belief in Him. And that He is too important not just for me, but for everyone. I would be too selfish to keep His goodness all to myself. So, here I am. I'm advertising Him. "Got God??!!"</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-112914281075689630?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1128968123227413752005-10-11T01:00:00.000+08:002005-10-11T02:15:23.793+08:00<span style="font-family:georgia;font-size:180%;color:#ff0000;"><strong>being a gimper for God</strong></span><br /><br /><span style="color:#ff6666;">Bruce Wilkinson called Jabez a gimper. Oh, I know what you're thinking. "Who in heaven's name is Bruce Wilkinson?? and Jabez is a what? a gimper? is that an insect??" Well, that may not really be your line of thought but i sure did ask those questions. let me start by first introducing you to Mr. Wilkinson. No, i don't know him personally but he's the author of the book "The Prayer of Jabez" and he explains that a gimper is someone who does a little more than what is required or expected. so a gimper might probably be your modern day nerd who would do extra research on just about anything the teacher would say in class. oh well, that's not really accurate since gimping is doing just "a little more" than expected, but then by now i know you get what i mean. Jabez was a gimper for God. Unlike most "popular men" in the Bible, he didn't have long hair from which he gains his strength or a slingshot to kill a giant. what he had was a very short prayer because he wanted to do more for God. </span><br /><span style="color:#ff6666;"></span><br /><span style="color:#ff6666;">nowadays, doing more for God is something we have left for the pastors, priests and missionaries to do because it doesn't fit our schedule or our profile. or sometimes we think that God doesn't need anything from us. well, He doesn't, but doing more for him is OUR privilege. it is our gain to do and be more for God. i know im not in the best position to say all this things since i myself find it difficult to be a Christian, that is why i include myself in the challenge. "Want a bigger vision for your life? Sign up to be a gimper for God."</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-112896812322741375?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1128597755399472602005-10-06T18:15:00.000+08:002005-10-06T22:55:36.806+08:00wow!!! i can't believe i still have the luxury of sitting in front of my laptop now and write about what happened to me this week!!! wow, as in wow! well, ok..im exaggerating a bit but really, this has been one of the busiest week of my entire life, not to mention one of the worst! monday, not my favorite day of the week, i found out that we needed to pass the first draft of our IT project on wednesday and the final paper of our marketing write-up on friday! of course, i panicked! i went home to start doing them right away only to find out that our phoneline was dead!!! this could only mean one thing for me: NO INTERNET! i couldn't have been more depressed! i was helpless..i didn't know how to start off with my marketing project without the internet and i couldn't do the database for my IT draft since my printer had no ink left so i wouldn't be able to print it! and to top it all off, i couldn't save any of the things i'd start to do because my diskdrives still haven't been repaired! know what i did? I SLEPT!!! i got tired of complaining about my misfortune that i dozed off at about 9 in the evening without accomplishing any of the task i was set out to do! for the first time in months, i slept really early!<br /><br />tuesday, still no such luck with the phoneline, and still inkless.. had lots of quizzes lined up for me to study for, but i wasn't able to concentrate on any of them. my mind was on the draft i needed to hand over my teacher the next day. i couldn't remember much of what happened, but i remember that i still wasn't able to accomplish anything! again, i slept at about 9 that night.<br /><br />wednesday, don't ask me how, but i was able to finish the draft!<br /><br />it's thursday, i don't know how i got through the first half of the week alive and well (thank God), but here i am, still able to write this blog. i'm so thankful for small miracles...like having our phoneline back, and having friends to help me out, and the sleep i so badly needed! getting through this week (although not yet over) means one thing for me, i will survive college! i don't know how, but i just know i will!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-112859775539947260?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1128244408181241472005-10-02T16:12:00.000+08:002005-10-02T17:13:28.186+08:00two blogs in one day? is that legal? hehehe.. i just need to write about this one because if i didnt, i would be keeping it to myself and it's not healthy. well, its just that i miss my dad so much. i was listening to this song and i was flooded with memories of him all of a sudden. "stay" is my dad's favorite song. my brother was singing it to him the night he died. i remember that day all too clearly. November 9, 2003, my family decided to have my dad transferred back to his suite because the ICU people were a bit insensitive and we had to abide by all their rules. my sister and i planned to go to the mall and buy flowers and balloons to make the room as colorful and bright as possible. we went to the ICU to kiss dad good morning and left for the mall. just after we have bought the flowers, i received a call from mom telling us to go right back to the hospital because dad's BP dropped and he would go any minute. ok,i wont go into the details anymore, it would just make me feel worse. he passed away that night with the whole family around him. i still couldnt believe i got through that night, that experience! i remember talking to my sister a few hours before he died. i remember asking her what would happen on my highschool graduation. i still couldnt bear the thought of him not being there. it was his wish- to be able to live 'til my graduation day. but then not all wishes come true. that's life, and i had to experience its harshness early on.<br /><br />i miss my dad and i want him to be here with me now to protect me from all the hurts and pains that life inevitably brings. but im happy that he's in a better place now. anyway,here's the lyrics of the song my brother was singing to him the night he died:<br /><br /><em>"will you hold me in your arms as i rest in your knees..?won't you tell me my favorite story? i was an orphan you adopted me. as i listen to your voice your blessing surrounds me. i know im yours, im so glad you found me..wrap your strong arms around me, this is my plea. father, stay close to me. as i look in your eyes i see such kindness. nothing in this world is anything like this. i was an orphan you adopted me."</em><br /><br /><br />hmmm...sad story, but i don't want to be pitied by anyone. im a strong person. if there's anything i want to tell people, it's to love their dads. period. no conditions, no ifs.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-112824440818124147?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17356775.post-1128228488433372402005-10-02T12:11:00.000+08:002005-10-02T12:48:08.436+08:00It's a bright Sunday morning and I'm supposed to be in Church today doing what i love to do most- teaching kids in sunday school. i usually wake up at about 8 in the morning during sundays, pick up my copy of "In His presence" by Charles Stanley and have my prayer time. but today is different. i woke up at about 10, didn't wash my face, turned on the tv, watched Monster's Inc. and after an hour, turned on my computer to chat. i didnt touch my Bible or at least say a short prayer. but as i was tinkering with my laptop, my mom played her favorite cd, a compilation of really touching songs with Christian lyrics. "I can only imagine" began playing and i was touched. <br /><br /><em>"i can only imagine what it will be like when i walk by your side..i can only imagine, what my eyes will see when your face is before me...surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel? Will i dance for You, Jesus</em> <em>or in awe of You be still? Will i stand in Your presence, or to my knees will i fall? Will i sing hallelujah or will i be able to speak at all..i can only imagine." </em><br /><br />i can't begin to imagine how important i am to God. i tried to ignore Him today but He keeps reminding me of His presence and how it would feel like to come to him. the wonder and awe of being with my Father is beyond imagination, beyond words, beyond compare. and i am sorry for all the times i have fallen short of his glory. i can't begin to describe how God has been so faithful to me despite all my flaws, my weaknesses and faults. the least i can do is to honor him in all the things i do. that's why this first blog is for God- my reason for living, my everything. i can't imagine what my life would be like without Him. <br /><em></em><br /><em></em><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/17356775-112822848843337240?l=justmaryet.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>maryethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410822090973889810noreply@blogger.com1